The Habit Factor®

The Science of Behavior Meets the Art of Achievement

equilibriument

ChatGPT & MG Talk Habit Development, Discipline, P.A.R.R., & Skills & Habits

discipline, Habit Alignment, habits, P.A.R.R., P.A.R.R. Methodology, Skills

MG: What is the habit factor?

GPT: The “habit factor” refers to the idea that certain actions or behaviors can become routine and automatic through repetition, making them more likely to be performed in the future. This concept is often studied in the fields of psychology and behavioral economics.

MG: isn’t there a book too

GPT: Yes, there is a book called “The Habit Factor” written by Martin Grunburg. The book aims to help readers understand how habits are formed and how they can be changed in order to achieve goals and improve productivity. It provides a step-by-step process for creating and maintaining good habits, as well as strategies for overcoming bad habits. The book also emphasizes the importance of tracking progress and staying motivated in order to achieve long-term success.

MG: I thought so, does it mention a process for habit formation called PARR?

GPT: Yes, “The Habit Factor” by Martin Grunburg mentions a process called P.A.R.R. (which stands for “Prompt, Action, Reward, Record”) as a key part of habit formation. The PARR process is a simple, four-step process for creating new habits:

  1. Prompt: Identify a specific cue or trigger that will remind you to perform the desired behavior.
  2. Action: Perform the desired behavior.
  3. Reward: Give yourself a small reward for completing the desired behavior.
  4. Record: Keep track of your progress by recording when you complete the desired behavior.

This process helps to create a positive feedback loop that makes it more likely that the desired behavior will be repeated in the future. By tracking progress and rewarding oneself, the individual is more likely to stick to the habit and make it a regular part of their routine.

MG: Where did you get Prompt? My understanding is that PARR stands for PLAN, ACT RECORD & REASSESS

GPT: I apologize for the confusion, you are correct that P.A.R.R. stands for “PLAN, ACT, RECORD, REASSESS” in the book “The Habit Factor”.

  1. PLAN: set a clear, specific, and measurable goal.
  2. ACT: take immediate action towards the goal
  3. RECORD: track progress and document the outcome.
  4. REASSESS: evaluate progress and adjust the plan as needed.

The process emphasizes on setting clear goals, taking action, tracking progress, and re-evaluating the plan regularly to make necessary adjustments and achieve the desired outcome.

MG: I thought PARR was more about the Habit development process NOT the goal itself. habits are a means to the end. the END is the goal the means are habit, correct?

GPT: You are correct that habits are a means to an end, and the end is the goal. The P.A.R.R. process that is described in “The Habit Factor” is specifically focused on creating new habits as a means to achieve a goal. The process is a simple, four-step process for creating new habits:

  1. PLAN: set a clear, specific, and measurable goal.
  2. ACT: take immediate action towards the goal
  3. RECORD: track progress and document the outcome.
  4. REASSESS: evaluate progress and adjust the plan as needed.

The process emphasizes on setting clear goals, taking action, tracking progress, and re-evaluating the plan regularly to make necessary adjustments and achieve the desired outcome. The goal is the outcome that you want to achieve. Habits are the means to achieve that outcome. The P.A.R.R. process is a way to create the habits that will help you reach your goal, by breaking down the goal into manageable steps, and making sure that you are consistently working towards that goal.

MG: The tracking and plan and recording and reassessment is about the HABITS not the goal. PARR is about tracking habits in order to develop them.

GPT: I apologize for any confusion, you are correct that P.A.R.R. is a framework for tracking and developing habits, not the goal itself. The P.A.R.R. process does not focus on the goal directly, but rather on the specific actions that will become habits in order to achieve that goal.

  1. PLAN: Identify the specific action that will become a habit
  2. ACT: Perform the desired behavior
  3. RECORD: Keep track of your progress by recording when you complete the desired behavior.
  4. REASSESS: Evaluate progress, make adjustments, and refine the habit.

The P.A.R.R process is a structure that helps to create a positive feedback loop that makes it more likely that the desired behavior will be repeated in the future. By tracking progress and making regular adjustments, the individual is more likely to stick to the habit and make it a regular part of their routine. And as a result, achieving the goal that the habit is designed to achieve.

MG: excellent. thank you

GPT; You’re welcome! I’m glad I could help clarify. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask.

[I’m having so much fun, I decide to change it up and see what “she” knows about the relationship between DISCIPLINE and HABIT.]

MG: Is it safe to say that discipline is a habit

GPT: Discipline can be seen as a habit in the sense that it is a behavior that is performed consistently and regularly. Discipline is often defined as the practice of training oneself to do something in a consistent manner, which is similar to the concept of habit formation.

In order to develop discipline, one must first identify a specific behavior or action that they want to consistently perform, and then take consistent actions towards that goal, tracking progress and making adjustments as needed. This process is similar to the P.A.R.R. process for habit formation.

However, discipline is also a broader concept that can include a variety of different behaviors, such as self-control, focus, and commitment, which are not just one habit, but a set of habits that work together to achieve a goal. Therefore, discipline can be seen as a collection of good habits that work together to achieve a goal.

MG: I like that and yet it is clear that nobody is born with discipline so it is learned and acquired through practice, right

GPT: Yes, it is clear that discipline is not something that is innate, but rather something that is learned and acquired through practice. Discipline is a behavior that is developed over time through consistent and regular practice.

The ability to stick to a task, to resist temptations, to delay gratification, to be consistent and to not procrastinate are all learned behaviors that can be developed and improved over time.

Discipline is something that can be developed through the formation of good habits, which are formed by consistently performing a desired behavior in response to a specific prompt or cue. The P.A.R.R. process is an effective way to develop new habits, and thus discipline, by consistently performing a desired behavior, tracking progress and making adjustments as needed.

It’s important to keep in mind that discipline, like any other skill, requires practice, consistency and patience. It takes time and effort to develop discipline and it will not happen overnight. But with consistent practice and perseverance, anyone can develop discipline and improve their ability to achieve their goals.

[Because “she” brings up SKILL, i cannot resist. We must go there.]

MG: That leads me to precisely my next point. If discipline is a practice and skills require practice and HABITS require practice… seems to me that PARR is very helpful to develop both skills and habits and, in short, habits and skills can be acquired the same way, through intentional practice, right?

GPT: Yes, you are correct that discipline, skills, and habits all require practice to be developed and improved. The P.A.R.R. process can be used as a framework to develop both skills and habits, as it emphasizes the importance of setting specific, measurable goals, taking consistent action towards those goals, tracking progress, and making regular adjustments.

Habits and skills are often closely related, as developing a new habit can often lead to the development of a new skill. For example, if one wants to develop the skill of playing a musical instrument, they would need to practice consistently as a habit in order to improve their skill.

Habits and skills also share the characteristic of being developed through repetition and consistent practice, which is one of the key elements of the P.A.R.R process. By consistently performing a desired behavior, tracking progress and making adjustments as needed, individuals can develop both habits and skills.

In summary, P.A.R.R process can be a helpful framework for developing both habits and skills, as it emphasizes on consistent practice, tracking progress, and making adjustments. Both habits and skills require consistent practice and repetition in order to be developed, and P.A.R.R provides a structure to do that.

MG: WOW!! Thank you again, this has been enlightening! ; )

GPT: You’re welcome! I’m glad I could help. Developing discipline, skills, and habits are important aspects in achieving personal and professional goals. Understanding the process of habit formation and the importance of consistent practice, tracking progress, and making adjustments can help individuals to achieve their goals. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.

3 Circles of Behavior Echo-System —Innovative Behavior Model

creative theory

EVERYTHING is a F*cking STORY, Explainer Video (Clean) “3 Circles of Behavior Echo-System”

The 3 Circles of Behavior Echo-System makes personal transformation and long-term goal achievement more approachable. Parts of this article are excerpted from my new book, EVERYTHING is a F*cking STORY.

3 Circles of Behavior Echo-System
The 3 Circles of Behavior Echo-System

“Everything must be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.”

~ Albert Einstein

“Older behavior models are confusing and represent human behavior in a linear fashion,” Grunburg explained. “The 3 Circles of Behavior Echo-System is a new model that shows human behavior as it actually unfolds – in an echo-system.”

Human behaviors vibrate. They echo and reverberate. “There’s a reason we say things like, ‘I like the vibe here,’ or ‘that really resonated with me.’ Environments, thoughts, and certainly our behaviors echo and reverberate, influencing each other.”

The following is an excerpt from the 2015 edition of The Pressure Paradox™. Its purpose is to illustrate the parameters of human behavior and psychology in their most simplistic form.

Analyze the diagram above carefully. In simple terms, it represents the entire context of human behavior, bookended and influenced by two worlds: our inner, invisible world (thoughts) and our outer, physical world (environment).

Since the dawn of man, great philosophers have promoted and taught that it is the “first world,” our thoughts (the inner world), that directly influences and impacts our outer world. In fact, in the late 1800s, William James proclaimed,

The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives

~ William James

[End of excerpt from The Pressure Paradox™]

the 3 circles of Behavior Echo-System
3 Circles of Behavior Echo-System

Here is what has evolved significantly.

STORY! EVERYTHING’s thesis emphasizes the inner circle – the powerful idea that story is the primary means of cognitive function and analysis, conducting our decisions, actions, and behaviors, influencing our habits and skills, and forging our achievements and results. No prevalent Behavior Change Model represents the human thought process as a story.

Emotions and feelings: After further meditation and collaboration, the borders within the concentric circles must include a passageway – conduits between each influencing layer or component circle in a Behavior Change Model.

Thus, you should recognize emotions and feelings as conduits (membranes) within the echo-behavior system.

Further, emotions and feelings, without awareness, are TWICE as significant at any given moment upon one’s behaviors.

However, with some awareness and some emotional maturity/reflection, emotions and feelings, and their impact on one’s behaviors, are actually minimized, particularly over a given period of time.

Without emotional maturity, emotions and feelings have an immediate and significant impact on one’s behaviors.

With emotional maturity (the ability to pause and reflect upon the consequences of one’s behaviors), feelings and emotions have less of an immediate impact on one’s behavior.

Bidirectionality: The arrows between the major influencers have evolved to become bidirectional. This better illustrates how each primary component circle (environment, behaviors, thoughts) “echoes” back and forth in behavior, altering our emotions and feelings and influencing the other layers inside the eco-behavioral systems.

Non-linear: Two of the most prevalent behavior change models, Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), considered the gold standard, and Transtheoretical Model (TTM), represent human behavior in a linear fashion.

The Behavior echo-system model provides a new representation of how energy and information flow and how they reverberate relative to our behaviors and thoughts depending on their forcefulness. Further, a Behavior Echo-system underscores timeless principles like cause and effect and even karma.

Awareness: The 3 Circles of Behavior Echo-System articulates how, with awareness, we can proactively alter our behavior by changing our thoughts (stories) and/or environment.

The Environment: The all-encompassing environment is both the sensory input and the output in the Behavior Change Model – our results. The environment is something we can change, and it’s something that influences our thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behaviors.

Simplicity: Finally, the 3 Circles of Behavior Echo-System, by comparison, is a straightforward model. It follows Einstein’s basic commandment: “Everything must be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.” Simplicity tends to equate to practicality and use, increasing effectiveness.

OLDER BEHAVIOR MODELS DEPICT BEHAVIOR IN A LINEAR FASHION SIMILAR TO A BUSINESS FLOW CHART. Left -> Right? Right -> Left? Up -> Down?

Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT)
Cognitive Behavior Therapy

Transtheoretical Model (TTM)

Transtheoretical Model (TTM)
Transtheoretical Model (TTM)

The 3 Circles of Behavior Echo-System

Behavior change model
The 3 Circles of Behavior Echo-System

This new behavior model provides anyone with the clichéd 30,000-foot overview to better guide them from being a reactionary participant to someone in a position of response-ability.

This Behavior Change Model illustrates how, over the long haul, environment, and story most significantly influence our behaviors, habits, and skills.

Important: The interaction among the three major influencers in this Behavior Echo-system – stories, habits/behaviors, and the environment – is not always linear. For instance, an environmental change might impact your story seemingly before affecting your behavior or emotions. Nonetheless, all components influence and affect each other perpetually in this Behavior Change Model.

Example: A person steps on a subway train at night in an unsafe part of the city. The change in environment and their situational awareness spark the narrative that their safety may be in peril. This is an example of the environment directly affecting someone’s story first. What action does the person take? They clutch their bag tightly.

Environment – (influences) -> Story –(influences) -> Action/Behavior.

With the 3 Circles of Behavior Echo-System model (and the three books taken as a whole), The Habit Factor, The Pressure Paradox, and now, EVERYTHING, the intention is to provide a better, more approachable behavior change model and framework that makes lasting, positive change and personal transformation easier.

This simply means that for any goal or ideal relative to personal transformation, the 3 Circles of Behavior Echo-System acts as a simplified checklist – a cheat sheet – for goal achievement and positive behavior change.

Important: All lasting behavior change requires these three major components to be congruent:

  • STORY (the inner circle)
  • HABITS/SKILLS (middle circle)
  • ENVIRONMENT (outer circle)

While skills/behaviors and thinking/mindset are self-explanatory when it comes to the environment, there may be some confusion. We’ll take a moment to examine the concept of environment.

Environment defined: In the 3 Circles of Behavior Echo-System, the environment represents both sensory input and the output – outcomes, and results.

Inputs are cues and triggers in this behavior model, including circumstances, events, and the physical environment – everything that provides sensory input to affect your feelings, emotions, thinking, and behaviors.

Examples include family, friends, physical surroundings, and random events (accidents, chance). Even your body provides environmental input. If something is outside of your thinking, emotions, and behaviors, it’s part of your environment.

Importantly, the environment also includes your outputs.

Your outputs are your results in a Behavior Echo-system – what you affect and produce.

Your outputs may be the consequences of your actions, decisions, behaviors, habits, and skills.

As we mentioned above, even your body is part of your environment. For example, a bodybuilder experiences results that reveal their skills, habits, and behaviors. Their body (environment) is transformed (output).

Everything we produce and affect in our environment becomes a stimulus (sensory input).

Thus, a perpetual Behavior Echo-System is in effect.

Here are some examples of the behavior-change echo system in action:

Outside -> in behavior change:

A comet strikes just outside your house! (Environment).

You feel the Earth shake. You’re instantly startled and scared! (Feelings/Emotions)

You run out of your house. (Behaviors/Actions) You begin to think, “The world is ending!” (Thoughts/Story)

Summary: The environment directs and influences your feelings and emotions, directly influencing your actions and behaviors, which direct and influence your thoughts and story.

Inside -> out behavior change:

You wake up one morning with the narrative that the world and life are hopeless. “It’s all ending soon anyway.” (Thought/Story)

These thoughts (your story) influence your feelings. You feel sad and hopeless. (Feelings/Emotions)

You call a friend later that morning. (Behaviors/Actions).

Your friend comes over to talk with you and comfort you. (Environment change).

Summary: Your thoughts and story direct and influence your feelings and emotions, which direct and influence your actions and behaviors, which cause an environmental change.

You may be thinking, “So what? Why should I care about any of this?”

Here’s why: Ironically, change is one of the great constants in life. One of the best ways to direct change is to set goals.

Who doesn’t want to at least attempt to achieve their full potential? This Behavior Change Model reveals the path to do so.

Arguably, many never attempt to achieve their full potential because there is no clear Behavior Change Model, map, or process showing the way.

This book and model are it.

A bold statement, perhaps, yet understanding the fundamental components (the major influencers) of behavior change and personal transformation – how this Behavior Echo-System works – provides anyone the ability to determine where (in which component influencer) to begin their journey. It tells you how to develop habits that bring lasting change.

Would you like to start by modifying your thinking?

A new Behavior Change Model can undoubtedly help you drive new emotions that will foster new actions – the beginning of new habits and skills. (Personal example below.)

We’ll get more into the nuts and bolts of new narratives in the chapter called “The Stories That Really Freakin’ Matter.”

Do you want to begin your journey of personal transformation by changing your environment? This could be as simple as rearranging your office or home furnishings, altering your refrigerator or pantry inventory, joining a support group, or finding a different peer group to associate with.

Or, you can begin with my personal favorite, intentionally tracking your behaviors to help form the new, positive habits that will ultimately change your narratives, stories, habits, and environment.

The lasting transformation is metamorphosis.

By definition, you should know how to develop habits and skills to achieve metamorphosis. Therefore, any time you desire, you can initiate transformation by beginning with any of the three component influencers in the Behavior Echo-system:

  • Thoughts/Stories
  • Behavior/Skills/Habits
  • Environment

What I find curious is that individuals not only have learning preferences and biases but also have preferences for initiating their own behavior change. Most of the time, they aren’t aware of it or any Behavior change model they should follow.

When I teach the 3 Circles of Behavior Echo-System, I’ll ask participants to reflect upon a recent behavior change effort, either successful or unsuccessful. A student who appeared excited by this model shared: “This is interesting! I tend to start with my environment. I bought a book recently.” Then, they laughed, “It’s sat on my bookshelf ever since.”

Some people prefer to initiate behavior change with their environment – a class, coach, course, teacher, support group, or even a book. Others tend to put the spotlight on the related personal narrative (their “Why?” story), as in why they must change their behavior and develop new habits. They know that a new story will drive compelling feelings and emotions followed by actions.

Finally, this critical message about transformation and personal metamorphosis bears repeating:

You should engage each major component (circle) and make them congruent for lasting transformation.

Ultimately, you should align and engage your story, skills/habits, and environment to foster legitimate, lasting change.

[From EVERYTHING is a F*cking STORY]

Postscript:

Alternative names that “3 Circles of Behavior Ech0-System” has been given: “Behavior Echo-Chamber*”, Behavior Eco-System**, Grunburg Behavior Model.

Note: The first two are innacurate labels and identifiers. This model is not an echo chamber. An echo chamber would represent a singular mechanism.

The 3 Circles of Behavior Echo-System is a “SYSTEM” of integrated components.

It’s also not an ECO system.

The objective is to represent the “system” and its component parts vibrating and influencing each other.

As for the third alternative name, The Grunburg Behavior Model, while easier to say it’s certainly less descriptive.

The purpose of the postscript is to address the inaccurate names that have already begun to be used. I greatly appreciate your understanding of the important distinctions.

Thank you!

~mg

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.” 

~ Nikola Tesla

At Least Five Reasons Mindfulness Is Overrated!

creativity, meditation, mindfulness

[By: Martin Grunburg] @thehabitfactor

As The Habit Factor® book was prepped for publication around 2009-ish, I reached out to a handful of influencers and “thought leaders,” hopeful they might read an excerpt and provide a testimonial.

One such thought leader (who shall remain anonymous) replied, “I do not believe in habits. I only believe in mindfulness.”

“Interesting,” I thought. “I just spent approximately five years writing about the force of HABIT, and this guy doesn’t believe in it.”

That’s almost like saying, “I don’t believe in the moon.”

“Mindfulness” —it’s THE BUZZWORD that won’t go away!

“Mindfulness” IS very trendy these days, almost as trendy as #HABIT ; ) (see chart below).

It appears many people—dare I say, MOST—seem to misunderstand the importance and use of mindfulness.

MINDFULNESS is a wonderful concept; however, what gets lost in all the hype is that it’s NOT a full-time job!
A 100% is peak score and interest according to Google. (above)

Just like the guru who said he “doesn’t believe in habits,” far too many people think they ALWAYS need to be mindful, as in, 7/24/365!

While that is a noble and perhaps fabulous idea (in theory), it’s horrible and impossible in reality and practice.

What Lao Tzu Didn’t Say

“If you are depressed, you’re living in the past. If you’re anxious, you’re living in the future. If you are at peace, you’re living in the present.” ~Lao Tzu (attributed)

Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it?

Unfortunately, that isn’t from our buddy Lao Tzu.

We can take solace knowing that LT and other great philosophers weren’t likely pondering depression or anxiety 2,400 years ago.

However, I'll tell you what adds to one's depression and anxiety…thinking you need to be mindful all the time! Ha! Click To Tweet

Have you ever felt like you’re letting your kids, spouse, friends, and even yourself down because you can’t stay in the blissful, present moment all the time?

If this sounds familiar, rest easy, my friend. You’re holding yourself to an impossible standard—one that was NEVER meant to exist. Not even by Lao Tzu himself.

Here’s a semi-shortlist of reasons and benefits —permission—to LEAVE the blissful present and NOT engage in mindfulness.

#1. Reflection is a pathway to wisdom.

It’s tough to be all-present while you’re reflecting. But don’t just take it from me—take it from our good buddy Aristotle, who said, “Wisdom is equal measure experience plus reflection.” As humans, we have the unique (and powerful) capacity to reflect, and we MUST use it.

Now, I’m not necessarily sure we can devote “equal measure,” but you’re encouraged to try!

Arguably, the source of ALL improvement is REFLECTION.

How does any person, company, or even product become better? Reflection! Specifically, by asking questions about what works and what doesn’t!

It’s important to remind ourselves that our past retains nuggets of gold, precious gems that can be fairly easy to dig up with just a bit of reflection, couched with quality questions.

Chances are good we should be reflecting more, not less.

Important: This is not a recommendation to dwell in the past and wallow in sadness or depression. Rather, inspect your past and find the many lessons it holds, then keep moving!

#2. Creativity demands imagination, visualization, and intention, NOT mindfulness.

"Visualization is the master skill of intent." Click To Tweet

Spending time peering into the future requires that you leave the “mindfulness” present!

Take a moment to consider some of the greats—our heroes—the people we admire.

What do they do on a regular basis?

Consider Jobs, Edison, Disney, Lincoln, Curie, Musk, or MLK —the list is long.

What did they ALL do?

For starters, they had the habit of spending time, in some cases enormous amounts of time, camped out in their imagination. They peered into a future of possibilities; dreaming, wondering, and visualizing what might be!. Click To Tweet

“The best way to predict the future is to create it!“
(Not an Abraham Lincoln quote)

To create any future, we must first peak into it—daydream, camp out, and envision the possibilities. This can happen only outside of mindfulness!

It’s not a stretch to say that each of the aforementioned greats pondered (visualized) a more ideal future, which fueled their present-day ambitions.

Consider Dr. King’s famous “I Have a Dream” speech. No one is going to argue that he wasn’t present and very mindful of the challenging conditions of the moment, yet he eagerly and optimistically looked toward a brighter future—a vision of what could be!

#3. The FUTURE is where opportunity and (not coincidentally) perhaps a good investment might be found.

Spend too much time in the now—total mindfulness—and you just might miss out on the next tech stock darling or wealth opportunity.

Tesla’s recent stock catapult isn’t as much tied to present-day company value or performance as it is correlated to the company’s future potential. The same can be said for most other stocks and, frankly, the stock market in general.

The investing world is all about forecasting, not so much about rewarding mindfulness. Click To Tweet

New, exciting ventures reside at the intersection of trends, tailwinds, and ambition.

For better or worse, Jeff Bezos (video below) saw a future where Amazon not only sold books but ultimately, everything customers might desire and shop for.

He used foresight, reflection, and imagination, as well as an understanding of technology trends, so that Amazon’s strategy could capitalize on such trends.

#4. Foresight helps lead people to better careers and build better companies

Once you’ve assessed your passions, affinities, and interests, it’s important to see how they may intersect with various industry trends.

Let’s say you’re a truck driver, and you notice that Tesla, as well as other automakers, are moving toward autonomous trucks. How do your truck-driving skills fit into the matrix and skillset requirement that will be desired in the future?

Such an exercise would have been beneficial for companies like Blockbuster and Kodak.

On the flip side, computer programming, artificial intelligence, blockchain, and wearable technologies are marketplaces that will see spectacular growth over the next decade.

How might YOU capitalize, a la Bezos, on any growing technology trend that utilizes your new skills?

#5. Creativity and problem solving are rarely about mindfulness

As I shared in The Habit Factor®, creative insight tends to arise when you are entirely or almost entirely MINDLESS—not mindful.

Creative insight strikes us most often when we are in "habit-mode," where there is little or no conscious thought. Click To Tweet

Showering, jogging, napping, shaving, brushing your teeth, driving, etc.—all of these habit-like behaviors produce a mentally relaxed state, where the mind wanders. Thus, we exit the “blissful now”— we leave mindfulness and simply let go.

BAM! Creativity strikes!

Problem-solving rarely comes about as a forced, conscientious effort.

Creativity and insight are birthed from the Alpha and Theta brainwave spectrum.

>>>>POSTSCRIPT<<<<

How and why the “habit-loop” is almost useless for HUMANS…

Mindfulness and the RAT

ENTER HABIT and the P.A.R.R. Method for Habit Development
(Plan, Act. Record, & Reassess)

You knew I was going to bring this back to HABIT, didn’t you? ; )

So, when it comes to living a life by design versus by default, YOU possess a couple of innate and powerful human capacities: intention and reflection.

Rats and mice do not.

The widely regurgitated and much-touted “Habit Loop” Cue, Routine, Reward treats you as though you are a RAT.

You, my friend, are no rat!

Only The Habit Factor®, since day one (over a decade ago), was teaching this. Nearly all the other blogs, apps, and bestselling books that would follow advised following the “HABIT LOOP”, Cue, Routine, Reward in order to help you develop habits.

INTENTION and REFLECTION are abilities that are meant to be used for habit development. To utilize both, one must arguably (once again) leave mindfulness.

Intention is about the future; reflection is about the past.

By reflecting, we can and should assess our behaviors and decisions—what is working and what is not working.

The same is true when it comes to developing new habits. Click To Tweet

By using intention and reflection, following PARR, we can more quickly and easily develop the good, positive habits that align with our goals and ideals.

Simply ask, “What is my intention?”

WHERE do I wish to go?

WHO do I wish to become?

What are my strengths, and what are my weaknesses?

What new habits and skills should I develop today that will serve my ideal future?

P.S.S:

To be clear, I’m not saying mindfulness isn’t important. I’ve practiced meditation for more than 20 years and know the power and importance of mindfulness.

Arguably, and perhaps ironically, it’s that very practice that has led me to this important observation: It’s NOT ALL about mindfulness.

In fact, it’s rarely ever ALL about any one thing.

~mg

New to The Habit Factor? Be sure to download your FREE habits and goals tracking sheet! If you’re in the U.S., TEXT the word “HABITS” to the number: 33444

You’ll get the template sent to you immediately with quick and easy-to-follow instructions about how to craft and align good, positive habits in order to achieve your goals more quickly.

Check out the Habits 2 Goals Mastery Program!
2+ Hours of life-changing video content, PLUS 15 powerful personal development exercises.

Deconstructing Cue-Routine-Reward and the Habit Loop

Character, goals, habits, Habituation, learning, P.A.R.R. Methodology, PARR Methodology

[By: Martin Grunburg]

Chances are you’ve heard a bunch about habit these days, and for good reason. Habit matters a lot.

Habit not only constitutes our character; it turns out that it is also the most efficient pathway to achieve our goals.

The “funny” thing is there is a very substantial amount of misinformation — or, to put it better, misguided information — on the internet about habit and HOW we can intentionally develop good favorable habits.

At the very top of the misguided/misinformation list is something known as Cue-Routine-Reward.

What CRR Is and Why It Really Doesn’t Matter Too Much

Cue-Routine-Reward is also known as the “habit loop,” and has its origins dating way back to famed psychologist Skinner in 1948, but more recently, in 2012 (a couple years after The Habit Factor was published), a book titled The Power of Habit popularized CRR. (Medium.com post)

Unfortunately, what has followed since are countless blog posts regurgitating much of the same information about habit development. The problem is this idea is misplaced and greatly overvalued when it comes to HUMANS.

So let’s (one more time) attempt to deconstruct Cue-Routine-Reward.

First, You Are Not a Rat or a Mouse

CRR originated from studies related to mice and/or rats in a maze.  Yes, you read that correctly. The mouse had stimulus/input (the maze), which was its Cue; then the mouse set about running through the maze, the “Routine“; and finally, the mouse would find the cheese or chocolate, (yay!) the Reward.

Each successive time the rodent ran the maze a bit more quickly, the habit strength developed, and before long, the mouse would fly through the maze to get the cheese!

Success, right?

Not So Fast…

As a methodology for humans, you possess (for starters) at least one, essential and unique power the rat (likely ; ) doesn’t have: self-awareness.

When it comes to habit development for humans, it turns out that self-awareness in the form of both intention and reflection is remarkably powerful.

Therefore, the very best way to intentionally craft good, supportive habits is to begin with (you guessed it) awareness! (Example: What habit would I like to develop?) And, second, applying your intention in the form of a plan.

In the world of The Habit Factor®, the way to develop a favorable habit is simply to follow PARR,which stands for Plan, Act, Record (tracking and notes), and Reassess (after a period of four weeks).

Your Plan may or may not utilize “triggers” or cues, since the Plan itself may be its own trigger (more on that another day). But most importantly, your Planmust have these two criteria: What is the frequency per week you desire to perform the behavior? Identifying this creates what are called “Target Days.”Secondly, onthose target days, what will be the behavior’s Minimum Success Criteria? That is, how much time will you spend (or what is the repetition quantity) performing the behavior to make it a success on your Target Day?

For Example:

If my goal is to become stronger and more fit, let’s say the habit I choose to develop is the “Burpee habit.” The two key questions I must address are: What is the frequency per week I wish to perform this behavior? Second, upon each execution of the behavior, how many will I do? Ten? 25? More?

The idea is to set the minimum threshold low — typically very low upon starting. So, if I’ve never done a Burpee in my life and I’m not very fit, I might set the Minimum Success Criteria to just 10 Burpees on my Target Days (let’s say Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays). Thus, I will set my Frequency Per Week to 3 times, and the Minimum Success Criteria will be 10.

These are essential components in our Plan because we then are going to Record our behaviors after we Act, comparing our targets against what we actually setup as a target. Thus, Recording is the third essential part of PARR and how to intentionally (you are not a rat) craft good, positive habits that are aligned with your goals.

The final component is Reassess. After a period of tracking for 4 weeks against your “Targets” you are ready to take on the challenge once again for another 4 weeks. If you were 85% or better for the prior tracking period, you are encouraged to raise the bar, possibly increasing both the Frequency per Week and/or the Minimum Success Criteria.

So, for example, the next 4 weeks you might still keep your Target Days to just 3, M,W,F but you are going to want to increase the Minimum Success Criteria to 15 or perhaps 20 reps to consider it a “success” for that target day.

That’s right: You can and should align your habits to your goals.

Think about it this way: How many creatures (other than humans) can intentionally develop habits?

Correct. NONE.

Humans are the only creature that has this magical capacity, using their awareness — in the form of intention and reflection — to intentionally develop habits in accordance and in alignment with their goals and ideals.

This, my friends, is the definition of extraordinary!

Animals, on the other hand — rats and mice and bears and tigers and fish and birds — are driven by their instincts. Instinct operates very much like habit and even reside in the same area of the brain. The KEY difference for humans, though, is that we have the unique capacity to augment our inborn instincts (to survive and procreate) with intentionally learned skills and habits!

The fish or rat isn’t likely going to learn to tie their shoes or brush their teeth anytime soon. The bear may learn to dance, but that’s not gonna happen on his own accord.

Which brings up another excellent point…

It helps to think of Skill Development When You Want to Develop a Habit

Skill and habit, as they relate to the human brain, are so remarkably similar that experts in the related fields cannot articulate the difference. My thought is they should probably stop trying. Habit and skill are fraternal twins! They are nearly identical and the difference may in fact be merely a semantic one. For  instance, the skill of playing the piano for the expert is also a habit. The skill of walking on a slackline or surfing is also a habit. The skill of riding a bike is also a habit.

Recall one definition of habit: “Done with little or no conscious thought.”

How Long Will It Take Me to Develop My New Habit Following PARR?

The answer is (drum roll please . . .)

It doesn’t matter.

Truly. It doesn’t matter. If you have the intention, you have the time — unless, of course, you are planning on being dead. The truth of the matter is that some habits may forge themselves inside of two months and others may take upwards of 8 months. The variation is due in large part to the determination/desire of the individual and, of course, the difficulty.

The beauty is after a month or two, or three, by following PARR and tracking, you will know when “The Habit Factor” has kicked in;  you will no longer need to follow PARR — automaticity has taken over and you are performing the habit with little or no conscious thought!

What to Do Next

So, you want to get after it and test it out for yourself, right? Great! Time to take action to apply PARR to develop your next new habit. All you have to do is download the free habit tracking template here or simply text the word “Habits” to 33444.  If you prefer you can use the free iOS or Android apps.

You are not a rat!

~mg

3 Things You Should Know About VIRTUE — Before It’s Too Late!

Character, discipline, goals, habits, Habituation, Success

[By: Martin Grunburg]

In theory, there may be no better “cause” than the development of one’s virtue. Having said that, there is a fair degree of uncertainty about exactly what virtue is, why it’s important, and perhaps most importantly, the process by which to cultivate it. Add to that news stories and repeated scandals related to the Catholic church and other religious groups, and the idea of virtue may be somewhat tainted.

What Virtue Is Not

To become virtuous does not mean your intention is to become better than others. Rather, it means you’re attempting (key word denoting effort) to become better than you used to be.

Wayne Dyer used to put it this way: “True nobility (virtue) isn’t about being better than others; it’s about being better than you were before.”

Now, I fully recognize there is popular psychology out there that wants you to believe you are just perfect — exactly as you are.

I’m nearly certain YOU are not the little snowflake they believe you to be. So, allow me to help you with that:

You are indeed just perfect AND you need a lot of work. We all do.

Both you and I and everyone else has plenty of “sweeping” we can do “at our own front door” — beginning with our character.

Now, if for some reason that is offensive to you and you don’t want to think of cultivating your virtue in terms of improving your character, how about considering these 4 major dimensions related to one’s well-being: Mind, Body, Spirit, Social.

balancewheelcategories-1

Can you tell me (or, better yet, yourself) that you are a 10 (on a scale of 1-10) in each of those categories? If the answer is a resounding yes, than I guess you are perfect. Chances are good, though, that there are NO tens on your scorecard, and that is a GOOD thing. There are plenty of things to work on and improve— hence, the cultivation of your virtue!

Why Develop Virtue?

In short, it’s great for you and arguably the very best gift you can give your loved ones!

There’s a lot of talk these days about Stoicism, largely because of this guy, Ryan Holiday (stoicism post).

A recent article explains what the Stoics viewed as the “highest good,” a Latin phrase, “Summum Bonum.”

These were the highest virtues for the Stoics: Wisdom, Temperance, Justice & Courage. (See the Great Ted-Ed.com video below!)

Ultimately, like Zeno (above video), we come to realize that the refinement of our character is the highest good and might well be the very best gift we can give our loved ones. Not money. Not knowledge. Not a new car. Not a trip around the world… just your very best self.

The Path To Virtue

And we arrive at the kicker…the coup de gras…the pièce de résistance.

Brace yourself.

The path to virtue is habit. (You probably saw that coming ; )

Don’t take it from me, though; here’s what Aristotle had to say in Nicomachean Ethics:

“We become builders building, we become harpists by playing the harp. Therefore we become just by doing just actions, temperate by doing temperate actions, brave by doing brave actions . . . Virtue, then, is a habit or trained faculty of choice.”

The fascinating thing about virtue is, it does not exist without habit. 

In other words, if Jim Bob is known for possessing the honesty virtue, it’s because he habitually acts honestly.

What We Ultimately Learn About Virtue

It’s the very same lesson that Benjamin Franklin (of course!) figured out centuries ago. What did he NOT do?

As a young man, Ben found many flaws in his character. So he began a practice to track 13 virtues he hoped to develop. Each he identified as a weakness that needed improvement, and in so doing, his character and (he reasoned) his life would improve.

BF- HabitTracking Chart-

How did it go for little Benji?

Well, while we could simply say, “The rest is history,” I’ll let him take it from here. The following is a direct statement about his practice of intentionally crafting his virtues as he wrote in his autobiography:

“I hope, therefore, that my descendants shall follow this example [tracking his virtues] and reap the benefits.”

Please allow that statement to sink in.

Perhaps the most accomplished man ever to have lived cites the tracking of his virtues (habits) as the most rewarding experience of his life. Not inventing bifocals, nor the lightning rod, or his other accomplishments. Not becoming the first U.S. Post Master General. Not drafting the Declaration of Independence.

It was tracking his habits.

“Character is long-standing habit.” ~Plutarch

Until next time, as always, thanks for reading and sharing.

~mg

References:

Aristotle: Nicomachean Ethics
http://web.mnstate.edu/gracyk/courses/web%20publishing/AristotleVirtueAsMean.htm

Lecture 9: Virtue and Habit 1
https://oyc.yale.edu/philosophy/phil-181/lecture-9

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4434789/

What Really Binds Us?

Character, creative theory, discipline, Focus, goal theory, Habit Alignment, habits, HabitStregth™, Habituation, Happiness, Health, learning, P.A.R.R. Methodology

{By: Martin Grunburg]

The other morning, after I barely managed to keep my Burpee streak alive (40 days strong, podcast episode: Anyone Can Do It!), I took our dog Roxy to the park.

Screen Shot 2019-02-19 at 10.32.17 AM

Sent via The Habit Factor® app (iOS & Android)

The local park is about a block away. We do this pretty much every morning, Roxy and I. But these days she’s not playing as much Frisbee as she used to. (Podcast Episode: The End)

Actually, these days, we’ll just walk down toward the sailboats near the bay and take in the sun for 10 or 15 minutes.

Roxy-Bay-1

As I sat down near the water fountain and sailboats, a light breeze blowing over the bay, I noticed a clamp on the sand, like a hiker’s shackle.

The many parks around Mission Bay and San Diego, in general, tend to become a hub for transients — the homeless — many of whom have substance abuse problems, unfortunately. As I looked at this shackle, I thought how it was almost certainly the type of tool one of the transients might accidentally have left behind.

shackle-hand

I didn’t give the shackle much further thought, other than saying to myself something I’ve often said — that if I were in their shoes I’d live here too.

As I sat there, I began to ponder our upcoming Habits 2 Goals podcast episode, an “FAF” (Frequently asked Friday). The question du jour was scheduled to be, “What Binds Us?” Or, “What Binds You?”

Ponder That For A Moment

When you think of what it is that really holds you back, what is your first thought? What answer or excuse do you naturally come up with?

Money? Influential contacts? No lucky breaks? Not disciplined enough?

What keeps YOU from (to sound totally clichéd) getting to that next level?

For instance, if you aspire to be at “Y” in terms of profession or income and you are at “X,” how will you elevate your game? How will you change your results?

In fact, how can ANYONE break free? What is holding any of US back?

The more I pondered that question, sitting there overlooking the sailboats on the bay, I ran through all the same, typical excuses.

In fact, I ran though the common, broader comment I will often hear. “It’s me. I am holding myself back.”

While that is the beginning of a really good answer, we can make a far more powerful and subtle distinction.

The more I pondered the idea of “I,” as in, “I am holding myself back,” the answer became inescapable. The awareness was as glaring as the morning sun: There is no “I.”

“We” don’t hold ourselves back. “We” are just a compilation of our recurring thoughts and behaviors. Correct: OUR HABITS.

All “we” really are is our character, and our character is the sum total of all our thought and behavior HABITS to this moment.

To put it most simply: WE ARE OUR HABITS.

Therefore, if we’re trying to get to “Y” and we’re at “X,” there is a very good chance that those same thought habits and behavior habits that got us HERE won’t get us “THERE”

Who you and I are — WHO we have become right at this moment — is the result of ALL our thought and behavior habits to this moment. In fact, the Latin etymology of habit is HABIT•US, meaning “condition and/or character.”

We are the sum total of all our thought habits and our behavior habits.

Thus, the simple math looks something like this:

What truly binds us are our habits.

That binding sensation that we feel from one day to the next, that frustration as we aspire to new goals and ideals, is NOT “ourselves.” It IS the force of habit. And the beauty is this, my friend: That same force that binds you MUST be, and can be, the same force that sets YOU free.

And, that freedom comes only when we conscientiously and intentionally craft new habits that are aligned with our goals.  #habitalignment

Yes. There’s an app for that.

Thus, one of my all-time favorite habit quotes by Ambrose Bierce: “Habit, n.: A shackle for the free.”
(see image above ; )

~mg

8 Reasons Personal Development (Self-Help) Is The Best Thing You Can Do for Yourself

Character, creative theory, discipline, goals, Habit Alignment, learning, self esteem, Success

By: Martin Grunburg]

I want to elaborate a bit on a recent popular podcast episode, “The Best Gift You Can Give.”

Do you know the best gift you can give someone? Is it love? Money? A trip around the world? Knowledge?

I’ve been doing this a lot these days — writing follow-ups to podcast episodes I aired previously.

This provides me with an opportunity to elaborate and perhaps clarify my off-the-cuff ramblings. Now, you’d think I’d do it the other way around — that is write the post FIRST and then do the podcast after — but that’s not how I’ve rolled.

Perhaps someday.

Having said that, here are at least 8 reasons personal development (self-help) is the very best thing you can do for yourself and by extension your loved ones —and as one listener put it, the world!

#1) Awareness!

The Dalai Lama likes to say, “Awareness is like the sun, and when it shines on things they are transformed.” Now, you might argue that things are transformed anyway with or without awareness. This is true, yet one is intentional (and guided) and the other is by default and without intention. Incredibly, you get to choose which! Choosing the former, of course, begins with awareness.

#2) Self-Knowledge!

Lao Tzu put it this way: “Knowing others is intelligence and knowing the self is true wisdom.” Plato suggested that, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Both of these pieces of advice lead us to self-knowledge. “Know Thyself” was an ancient Greek aphorism for good reason.

#3) Strengths & Weaknesses!

Knowing thyself leads us to understand both our strengths and our weaknesses. The “funny” thing is there are “gurus” out there who insist you ought to ignore your weaknesses and just focus on your strengths! Please do not do this. That would be a terrific mistake. There are countless famous and non-famous people who have turned a perceived “weakness” into a strength via awareness and intention. Had I ignored my weakness — an inability to focus (concentrate my efforts) and achieve goals — The Habit Factor (book, app (iOS & Android), methodology) would not exist.

#4) Direction!

When we begin to really understand both our strengths and weaknesses, we can formulate new ideals (goals) to aim for. Do I need to become more kind? Do I need to become a better listener? How can I better serve my community? Goals formulate when we have awareness and understand our strengths and weaknesses.

#5) Habits!

Once new ideals are established and goals become fastened, those who follow The Habit Factor® know and understand that the most efficient path to realizing goals is to establish new, positive habits that are aligned with their goal. Therefore, they begin to intentionally focus on those core, recurring behaviors — the habits that will lead them to their new goal and ideals.

6) Character!

Apparently I cannot write or speak about this enough: The Latin root of habit is HABIT•US, meaning: “Condition and/or CHARACTER.” Thus, your condition, at this moment, and your character are the sum total of all your thought and behavior habits to this point. Habit equals Character.

7) Nobility!

This sounds a bit extreme, I know, but stick with me here: It’s based upon a terrific quote by the late, great Wayne Dyer. He would often say, “True nobility is not about being better than anyone else; true nobility is about being better than you used to be.” And, where is the harm in that?

Finally, such “nobility” bettering ourselves leads us to:

8) Virtue!

Virtue is the result of long-standing habit! Don’t take it from me, that’s Aristotle! When Ben Franklin decided (note the word: DECIDED!) to intentionally craft his 13 virtues, he didn’t even know it at the time, but he was simply tracking and forging habits — the core, related behaviors (habits) that would ultimately help him yield the wonderful 13 virtues he desired!

So there you have it: 8 great reasons WHY (each leading to the next), the very best gift you can give yourself, your loved ones and the world is the pursuit of your own self-improvement (self-help) and personal development— whatever term floats your boat!

Til next time,

~mg

Go Deep and Repeat: Why Learning Is a Repetitive Sport

Character, goals, learning, preparation, Success

By: Martin Grunburg

“How many times have you listened to that playlist?” my friend asked.

“I don’t know,” I answered. “Probably a couple hundred times.”

He was referring to my personal development playlist on my phone, which includes some of my favorite thinkers and thought leaders, from Wayne Dyer to Tony Robbins, with a healthy dose of Covey, Nightingale, Hill and a host of everything in between.

This “PD Playlist” just goes into auto-shuffle mode during any run or workout, and at this point I almost always hear a familiar lesson or message. Rarely I will introduce new material, and sometimes — to add variety — I’ll throw in my “metal-love” or Jack Johnson playlist.

Let me back up, though.

I used to think I was foolish — or perhaps just not too smart — because I always liked hearing a lesson or message several times. And by “several” I mean in the dozens-plus! I seem to do this with books, as well. So I will re-engage any playlist or book I’m studying over and over and over.

I’m sure it seems like listening to the same message or lesson (material) over and over and over again — AND then some more — must be a huge waste of time, energy and, by association, money, right? I’m not so sure; it might be the exact opposite.

The Habit of Learning

We don’t seem to question a person who practices a “discipline” (interesting choice of words), such as piano, over and over and over again. Or, the person who puts in hundreds, maybe even thousands of hours to perform better, right?

When it comes to performance-related activities, practice and repetition are essential, yet somehow, when it comes to learning, it’s considered a waste of time.

Have you ever watched the same movie more than once? How about more than a half-dozen times? What happened each time you saw the movie? Did you happen to notice any new material? Were there any nuances or new information you interpreted differently? Perhaps you even said, “Huh, I didn’t catch that the last time I saw this!”

Well, watching a movie isn’t too dissimilar from learning (at least for me). I can listen to the same podcast or lesson or class, or read the same book, and all of a sudden it seems as though I’m picking up on brand-new information. Here’s the best part: I am!

Of course, that information was there all along, wasn’t it? So, what happened?

What happened is “life.” One of my favorite quotes (link) is, “When the student is ready, the master appears.”

Sometimes we’re just not ready. Sometimes our head is in a different place, our attention is elsewhere (and of course this is a great case for learning to focus our attention in the moment, particularly when it comes to learning, but that is for another time).

The Key to Deep Learning

Then there is this theory: Maybe there’s only so much NEW info we can jam into our heads before it’s “full” (for the moment anyway).

It reminds me of the quote (reportedly attributed to Samuel Clemons), “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.”

The point is we live in a highly dynamic world where information and our attention are always shifting. Therefore, it’s essential to revisit the same information/material when you want to learn it deeply. By studying the same material over and over and over again, you gain incredible depth that you wouldn’t otherwise have attained.

I know now that this is precisely why and how The Habit Factor was able to provide such breakthroughs around the subject of habit!

GO DEEP and REPEAT, whether it is a performance or learning a subject that interests you. In many ways there is nothing new here; it’s the same as when people are achieving a Ph.D. What do they do? The student goes deep. She spends four years learning about ONE discipline from various aspects, angles and perspectives. She studies one subject deeply.

Why aren’t you doing that with the subjects that tickle your fancy!?

So, whatever captures your attention and curiosity, give into it, and do not be rushed. Spend 15 minutes a day reading about it, listening to the same lessons over and over, and writing about it.

Chances are good that around year five you will be considered an “expert”!

 

A version of this post first appeared on February 27, 2017.

Stuck in a Goal Achievement Rut? These 8 Questions Will Get You Moving Again

goal, goal theory, habits, learning, PARR Methodology

“Imagine Your Life Is Perfect In Every Respect; What Would It Look Like?” Brian Tracy

By Martin Grunburg

I’m a huge fan of self-development great Brian Tracy’s 12-step method for goal achievement, derived from his classic audio program (Nightingale Conant) The Psychology of Achievement.

If you’ve never read or heard this gem, it’s worth exploring — if only to understand how it is that The Habit Factor® integrates so perfectly within and around BT’s 12 steps — and, in so doing, reduces them to just 8!

Because who doesn’t want a shorter process, especially if you find your goal-achievement process to be stalling a bit?

So if you need a kick-start or a new push toward your process of goal achievement, here are eight essential, must-ask questions to get you fired up and heading in the right direction.

  1. Where Is Your Goals List?

    If you don’t have a written-out list of your goals, you are NOT really serious about your intentions, are you? Writing down your top goals and reviewing this list daily is the first step!

  2. Do You Have a Goal in Each of These 4 Categories of Wellness: Mind, Body, Spiritual, Social?

    You get bonus points if you add the following three ONLY after you’ve addressed EACH of the prior four: Professional, Financial, Lifestyle/Adventure. Doing this helps to reinforce precisely what Brian Tracy states above. You should imagine your life as perfect in every respect and then ask, “What does that look like?”

  3. Do You Know Which SINGULAR GOAL Is Your #1 Priority ?

    The simple act of goal-setting helps you to identify your ambitions, desires and talents. Most of all, singling out the top goal — your biggest priority — helps to expose the real you to yourself.

    Challenge yourself by asking tough questions such as, “If I were to die tomorrow, what experience or achievement would I most regret not having?”

  4. WHY Is Your Top Goal Your Top Goal?

    Identify and write down a list of 50 good reasons WHY the goal is your TOP priority and so important. (As many reasons as you can, no need to stop at 50!)

  5. What Positive Habits/Skills Will You Intentionally Develop that Directly Support Your Goals?

    (This may be my favorite.) Identify just 3-5 habits. Then specify their frequencies per week and their minimum success criteria. (If you don’t know what that means, watch this!)

  6. How Are You Tracking These New Behaviors/Habits?

    In order to develop these habits we’re going to follow the P.A.R.R. methodology: Plan, Act, Record and Reassess. We are going to be like BEN or a Hindu priest!  We (YOU) are going to TRACK

  7. Is Your Goal a S T R E T C H  GOAL?

    If your goal is too easy, it’s not likely to inspire you. But if it’s too difficult — seemingly impossible — it’ll be hard for your conscious mind to “buy-in.” The idea of approximately 50% growth increments is a good rule of thumb. So if you’ve never done a marathon, perhaps start with a half marathon. Or, rather than shooting for $1 million in income , shoot for $75K or maybe $100K .Get some progress, momentum and belief.

  8. How Committed Are You?

    Lincoln may have said it best: “Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.”

So there you have it! Eight essential questions you should address in order to accelerate or jump-start your goal’s attainment! Remember Thoreau’s fantastic insight: “If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to lead the life he imagines he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”

(A version of this post first appeared in June of 2017.)

The Gratitude Habit: How to Stop Complaining and Live Positively

Character, Focus, goals, Happiness, relationships, self esteem

By: Martin Grunburg

We all do it. It’s easy and even feels therapeutic at the time. Complaining, venting, bitching — there are plenty of injustices being inflicted upon us on a daily basis, and boy do we like to talk about it. So why does gratitude not come as naturally?

Anyone Can Complain, and Most People Do

The scary thing is this pattern of pondering your woes can and will quickly become a habit if it goes unchecked. In essence, perpetual complaining gets easier and easier the more you think this way, and we can even find ourselves drawn to others with whom we can bemoan life’s cruelties.

As a result, we fall into the habit of complaining.

I’ve seen this happen to so many good people with so many talents and gifts; they are healthy, beautiful, have a great family and many friends — yet they manage to habitually complain.

The Physics of Gratitude

What happens if I shine a flashlight into a dark room? Which do you think “wins”? Light or darkness? Now ask yourself, “Is gratitude represented by light or is it more closely associated with darkness?”

Mindfulness is simply the art of being aware of our thoughts. So it’s the ability to recognize that you hold the flashlight — that you and only YOU have the innate capacity to guide your thinking, at will. But that power can be used only when you become aware of it.

MLK understood this when he said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

One of my favorite books is James Allen’s “As a Man Thinketh.” It’s a masterpiece about how to become the captain of your own ship and the benefits and responsibility of taking the ship’s wheel — your mind — and directing it toward your goals and ideals.

Something To Be Thankful For

Here’s the “crazy” thing: The power of awareness that you and I share — this consciousness of thought — is, in essence, our first human gift! Now this is something to be thankful for: The ability to choose your thoughts!

How many creatures have that unique ability?

William James shared this little nugget over a century ago:

The greatest discovery of our generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind. As you think, so shall you be.” ~William James

Ralph Waldo Emerson put it this way: “You become what you think about all day long.”

Now, for this awareness to be effective and put into practice there are two commandments: First, guard your mind — trap and eliminate those thoughts that do not serve you or your intentions. Second, redirect your thinking toward the light — toward your goals and ideals!

“Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts.” ~Buddha  (Emphasis on unguarded)

Questions To Ask Yourself in the Middle of a Complaint

Is this thought uplifting and empowering?
Is this thought guiding me toward my ideal future?
What thoughts will help me get there?

Seems like it’s worth remembering that positive thinking isn’t just some magical panacea — it is NOT going to SOLVE your problems. However, it IS going to help you solve your problems better.

It used to be hard for me to understand just how my attitude at one moment in time might influence the next. These days, I’ll just reiterate a great Clement Stone saying: “Big doors swing on little hinges.”

21 Quotes To Inspire You To Choose Gratitude

Whenever you find yourself needing a little gratitude tune-up, just read through the following powerful quotes on gratitude from some brilliant and inspiring individuals. Another way to stay positive!

  1. “‘Enough’ is a feast. ~Buddhist proverb
  2. “Gratitude and attitude are not challenges; they are choices.” ~Robert Braathe
  3. “This a wonderful day. I’ve never seen this one before.” ~Maya Angelou
  4. “He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” ~Epictetus
  5. “Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.” ~John Wooden
  6. “Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.” ~A.A. Milne
  7. “If you count all your assets, you always show a profit.” ~Robert Quillen
  8. “Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” ~Robert Brault
  9. “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.” ~Eckhart Tolle
  10. “You cannot do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
  11. “Gratitude is more of a compliment to yourself than someone else.” ~Raheel Farooq
  12. “In life, one has a choice to take one of two paths: to wait for some special day — or to celebrate each special day.” ~Rasheed Ogunlaru
  13. “We should certainly count our blessings, but we should also make our blessings count.” ~Neal A. Maxwell
  14. “Silent gratitude isn’t very much to anyone.” ~Gertrude Stein“Gratitude is riches.
  15. Complaint is poverty.” ~Doris Day
  16. “Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” ~William Arthur Ward
  17. “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” ~John F. Kennedy
  18. “Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.” ~Denis Waitley
  19. “When a person doesn’t have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude.” ~Elie Wiesel
  20. “Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.” ~Zig Ziglar
  21. “The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Free Gift: Gratitude Guide

Seems to me, we can all use a “fine-tuning” of our minds from time to time — some of us more than others. So I’ve created a really neat and FREE Gratitude Guide; it’s a PDF that includes a cool 8 -week tracker!

Therefore, please reference this gratitude guide; it also includes these EPIC 21 quotes on gratitude too!

(A version of this post first appeared in November 2016.)

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