The Habit Factor®

The Science of Behavior Meets the Art of Achievement

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12 Common Goal Setting Mistakes — The Dirty Dozen That Are Killing Your Goals!

Character, goal theory, goals, Habit Alignment

[By: Martin Grunburg]

Goal achievement is difficult all by itself. The funny thing is, we tend to make it even more difficult. After 25-plus years of personal experience and helping others achieve their goals, here are what you might call “The Dirty Dozen” — 12 of the most common goal-setting mistakes.

Enjoy!

1) Too Big/Too Many

Much like the Three Little Bears, there is the “right-size” goal as well as the “right-size” bed or right-temperature porridge. Not too hot or cold, big or small, etc. You get the picture!

So the natural question is, how do know the “right” size? Well, the rule of thumb (at least for initial goals and newbies) just might be this: Set the goal just outside your reach — just outside the comfort zone. Now that may sound cliché, but here’s an example: If you’ve never run a marathon, then a half-marathon is a better intermediary goal along the way. If you’ve never reached $100,000 in sales, then aiming for $250,000 versus a target of $1,000,000 is much wiser.

2) Your Focusing on a To-Do List vs Core, Recurring Behaviors (Habits)

This is one just one of the reasons WHY The Habit Factor was born and has become such a popular goal methodology. Rather than following a process, such as SMART goals, which just leaves a user (you) with a To-Do List — a list of next action “steps” — The Habit Factor is different. What will really propel you faster toward your goal is focusing on the core, recurring behaviors — the habits — that must be instituted along the way. For instance, if the goal is running a half-marathon, focusing more on developing the running habit (following the PARR Method) vs. a one-off to-do task list is far more important!

For instance, which will get you closer to your goal: Focusing on developing the running habit by tracking (again PARR)? Or, buying that new pair of running shorts (a one-off task)?

3) You Don’t Write Down Your Goals

There is tremendous power in the act of crystallizing — giving life to your thoughts (invisible) and moving them to the visible realm. That is precisely what happens when you write down your goals!

4) You Don’t Revisit Them Often — Ideally, Daily!

Once they are written down and crystallized, it’s important to keep your goals top of mind, part of your daily consciousness. This reinforces the desire and brings attention and focus to the moment.

5) No Due Date! You Don’t Set an End Date

What’s the desired end date? Due dates create pressure and, contrary to popular opinion, pressure can be a very positive force.

6) The Due Date Is NOT Realistic!

There are two important considerations when it comes to the due date. The first is to take your due dates very seriously. The second is to not take them too seriously.

You want to be hell-bent on making it happen, short of hurting yourself or anyone else. Yet you want to be flexible enough (much like NASA) to reset the due date/launch date if things don’t fall into place. Most people beat themselves up, thinking a missed deadline is the end of the world and proof that goal-setting doesn’t work. The truth is, in even the best cases we reach our goals by the original deadline only 50 percent of the time and that may be high! (And yes, that’s just a guess!) The point is, a missed deadline isn’t a reason to quit. It’s a reason to strengthen your resolve and reset, re-calibrate and reload! (thanks @jocko)

7) More Focused on the Result Than the Process

Too many times to count, I’ve seen people give up because they continue to think their GOAL is out there somewhere, when it’s actually in them. They are already in the process and it’s just a matter of time until it matures. This is much like watching grass grow: From one day to the next there is really zero-perceptible growth to the eye. However, after 6 months or a year the growth is unmistakable! Trust the process, and the process is PARR and Habit Alignment.

8) Related to #7: The Daily Grind Overwhelms You!

We get sidetracked. A kid gets ill, you get in an accident, your spouse loses a job — on and on. LIFE Happens. People then begin to think, “No way is my goal happening this year.” There is no doubt, life does happen. BUT when you hit a life setback, it’s actually an opportunity to strengthen your resolve! Meaning: Get back on the tracking sheet or app and TRACK! Reset, reload and recalibrate! (same as #6).

Yes, the answer to what you do and how you respond is the same: PARR and Habit Alignment — TRACKING!

9) You Don’t Anticipate Setbacks

By managing the easy, you anticipate the difficult. Nothing is “easier” to manage than just tracking core, recurring behaviors — the important habits that will carry you toward your goal achievement. Having said that, we must be mentally prepared for setbacks and know that even as we move closer to our goal’s achievement, we will face great challenges.

Here’s a quick, personal example. After arriving for the VineMan Ironman-distance triathlon in Napa Valley, I realized that my bike’s back rim and pedal had been destroyed on the flight. The local repair shop was adamant they could not fix it. They didn’t have the right parts AND they could not offer me a loaner bike. After six-plus months of training — with the race the next day — I was being forced to give up. I refused and remained resourceful. When it was absolutely darkest before the dawn, with persistence and multiple bike shop visits, we found not a fix, but a workaround that made my bike barely manageable to ride. To my surprise it was able to get me across all 112 miles!

The bonus was that this was my third full Ironman race and I was mentally prepared the entire time — almost waiting and asking what might the next setback be. Each successive event brought similar almost fatal (to my goal) consequences, and I was ready to persevere.

10) You Talk Too Much (SHUT your pie-hole, pls)

Do NOT talk about your goals. That’s right, you heard me and you may have read the in-depth article and reasons why  (recent post) you should shut your trap! Just know this: Even “science” backs the idea that you should shut your pie-hole when it comes to your most important goals!

11) You’re Too Impatient

We want our goals to happen quickly; impatience “is the height of ignorance” according to Robert Greene. Goal achievement takes time and GRIT! And, if GRIT is the key to success, what is the key to GRIT!? What habits constitute the development of GRIT.

12) You’re Not Committed

This should probably be #1! It is not enough to be interested in your goal; you must fully commit. For a great story about the difference between commitment and being interested, check out my interview with John Assaraf!

Well, there you have it! The Dirty Dozen common goal-achievement mistakes. Which ones might you be guilty of?

mg

 

Intelligence (Part Deux)

creativity, goal theory, goals, habits

[By: Martin Grunburg]

We left the last post with the understanding that “real” intelligence is goal-directed behavior. We arrived at that conclusion simply by analyzing the definition of artificial intelligence, which happens to be . . . “goal-directed behavior”!

Thus, as we like to say here at The Habit Factor®, “In life, goals are not optional.”

Sure, you might go a month or perhaps even a few months — maybe even a few years — without real, substantial goals/aims or ideals for your life, but ultimately, if nothing else, your quality of life would suffer.

Or, we might view the pursuit, or absence thereof, of goals in life as Tony Robbins positions it. He likes to say, “Everyone has goals. Unfortunately, most of them are impotent goals.”

In other words, he suggests that if your goal is to “get through the day,” “get through the month,” “make it home by Monday Night Football,” “sneak out of work early,” etc., make no mistake, these are goals — and it could be argued, then, a sign of intelligence — but certainly not the type of goal-directed behavior that would inspire one to get out of bed in the morning!

Further, having inspiring, well-intentioned goals and ideals provides you with another magnificent consequence: HAPPINESS!

That’s right. Don’t take it from me, though; let’s hear what one of the most intelligent (interesting, isn’t it?) people ever to have lived has to say about the subject.

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal not a person or a thing.” – Albert Einstein

Let’s Button This All Up

If goal-directed behavior is intelligence at work . . .

AND

“Action is the real measure of intelligence,” as Napoleon Hill was fond of saying . . .

AND, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal not a person or a thing,”

Then we can bring this full circle once more: “In life, goals are NOT optional.”

Yes, my friends, goals matter! (A lot!)

~mg

BTW: The next logical question is, “How can I go about setting goals the right way?” To that end, check out The Habit Factor® book (Kindle, reduced price). Another great starting point is the FREE Habit Building template. Or, for those of you who’d prefer to listen to the book, check out the Audible version. Go here for a FREE TRIAL and The Habit Factor® can be your first free book! Enjoy!

 

How Intelligent Are You? The One-Question IQ Test That Will Truly Prove Your Intelligence

Character, goal theory, goals, Habit Alignment, habits, learning, Success

[By: Martin Grunburg]

Intelligence.

What a concept!

Perhaps strange subject matter for a blog about HABITS and GOALS, right?

But maybe not.

In my interview that went live just last week with Alex Bates, pay particular attention to minute 15-16, where we have a discussion relative to defining artificial INTELLIGENCE.

——————–

Me: Is it [artificial intelligence] not the ability for the computer to learn and/or teach itself?

Alex: Learning is a key part of it, but even broader than that, potentially, you can have intelligent behavior that was pre-programmed. So, I think learning is fundamental but artificial intelligence is a system that — a lot of times they will include the term, “goal-directed behavior,” meaning it can accomplish goals, and sometimes there are challenges thrown its way, and sometimes it uses learning to accomplish those goals, and sometimes it doesn’t.

——————–

Brilliant.

Artificial intelligence is (equals) goal-directed behavior.

That’s worth repeating to yourself.

And, if that is true, my friend, what is intelligence?

Repeat: If artificial intelligence is goal-directed behavior, what is intelligence?

Correct: Intelligence must be goal-directed behavior. (Underscore and repeat to yourself.)

Don’t be Dumb!

I’m 50 years old and that was the first time I understood intelligence as “goal-directed behavior.”

A couple years ago, I tweeted to a fairly popular blogger (a self-described “neurotic Jew” — think Woody Allen-esque).

I enjoyed his writing and he was a pretty funny guy. But either for click-bait purposes or to stir some controversy, he tweeted something like, “self-help doesn’t work,” or “self-help is bogus.” Strange, because all he writes about is how personal development has helped him.

The tweet got to me (though I shouldn’t have taken the bait). My reply was swift: “Don’t be dumb!” Then I felt bad. I wanted to make sure I hadn’t offended him, so I followed up with, “I’m not saying you are dumb, I’m saying you should not be dumb.”

Don’t be dumb.

Not sure he grasped the distinction and pretty sure he then blocked me! ; )

So the reason I share that story is, I’m saying the same thing to you right now: “Don’t BE dumb.” I’m not saying you are dumb, I’m saying, please, “Just don’t be dumb!”

How Not To Be Dumb

Set goals. Have a positive, worthwhile goal/ideal that you are pursuing!

That’s it!

You either have goals identified and are working toward them (goal-directed behavior), or you don’t. One is dumb; the other is intelligence at work.

And, by the way, THAT (the work part) is very important!

Intelligence, according to the dictionary definition (below) is: “The ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.”

intelligence definition

I have underlined AND italicized for effect.

I’m sure we ALL know many “intelligent” people who are great at acquiring knowledge. Yet, according to this definition, they are not intelligent if they are not applying it.

Apparently Confucius use to say, “To know and not to do is not to know.”

So, truly, there is just one simple question — a ONE-QUESTION IQ test — to use on yourself, your loved ones and friends:

Are you pursing a worthwhile goal/ideal?

Great. Get after it!

~mg

(part II next week) as always, THANK YOU for reading, sharing and worth noting, pushing the Habits 2 Goals podcast into another record month (that’s two months back to back!)

 

Personal Development Hurdle Number One: Shut Your Pie-Hole!

discipline, energy, Focus, goal theory, goals, Habit Alignment, responsibility

[By: Martin Grunburg]

Disclaimer: Adult language ( I think this is my first post with “adult” language, and frankly, the subject matter mandates it. ; )

Here we go: Please, please, for YOUR sake, and the sake of your goals, just SHUT YOUR PIE-HOLE!

That’s right…find a way to keep your trap shut! Shut your mouth. Zip it!

I speak from great experience on this one, so just trust me (more on that later).

I know, I know, being silent is so difficult these days in our social media-intoxicated world.

Ten minutes on Facebook and I’ve already read seven different people’s goals — and two more about intentions for the month. Yep, there’s another three telling me their goal for the day!

So, when I reflect upon this one — really think it over — it just may be one of the best lessons I’ve ever learned when it comes to goal achievement: JUST SHUT UP!

And this comes from a guy who, growing up, was tagged with the moniker “Motor Mouth Martin”!

Now, making this advice even more confusing (beyond the social media frenzy) is the fact that there may be no less than 1,000 blog posts (and a dozen-plus apps) encouraging you to share your New Year’s resolutions with the “world” to hold you accountable.

Some simple math for you:

cP + bA = rcƒP

Confused People (searching for answers) + Bad Advice = Really Confused AND Frustrated people.

I was one of them, and that was well before the social media proliferation.

Let me help clarify this for you (again, from personal experience and helping others). Sharing your goals with everyone and the “world” is less than useless; it can actually be harmful to your success. (More on that later with some links to the “science.”)

Given the NEW YEAR and so many people’s noble attempts to set and achieve their goals, the time is right to reiterate this lesson.

So, IF YOU continue to struggle with goal achievement, consider this — better yet, PLEASE TEST IT for yourself:

SHUT YOUR TRAP!

To help you understand why flapping your gums is so damaging, I’m going to provide you with seven reasons why talking about your goal (to anyone other than one or two, or maybe three, very close people, such as a spouse) is a solid waste of time and energy — and actually proves detrimental.

#1) It dissipates energy:

You’ve heard me say this a thousand times: If everything is energy, and it is, what do you think happens when you flap your gums?

#2) Focus is lost:

With a reduction in energy comes a reduction in our capacity to concentrate, and thus focus is diminished. (See last week’s blog.) As stated above, focus and consistent energy are required to develop habits and achieve goals.

#3) Provides a false sense of completion of goals:

Surprisingly, it turns out, talking about your goal (according to several psychology experiments) provides us with a sense of completion and self-satisfaction —without actually doing anything! By talking about your goal, you being to feel closer to achieving it, as if you had taken some action. This then supplants any real action, and thus, incredibly, you end up demonstrating less effort.

#4) This one might hurt. Pardon my French, but very few people give a Sh*t about your goals!

In the world of real accountability, “everyone” truly equates to no one.

If the point of sharing your goals with the world is so that “they” can hold you accountable, chances are good you’re on crack. You’re just not thinking too clearly. Do you really think Jim on Facebook is going to circle back four months later to ask you how your book is going? Or Sarah is going to ask how your weight-loss goal is going? Look (if it makes you feel any better), it’s not that they don’t like you, it’s just that they don’t care! And (worth noting) they’re just too busy trying to get their own sh*t together and achieve their own goals!

#5) The people you think WILL help you, tend to “protect” you:

Goal achievement is about going out on a limb — taking a huge risk, getting uncomfortable with a fairly good chance of failure. Your loved ones KNOW this. So, there’s a good chance that when you tell them you are going to paddle from Catalina Island to Manhattan Beach (32 miles), and you’ve never paddled in any event before (not 1 mile, not 10 miles), and you don’t even own a paddleboard, AND the event is in just 6 months, how do you think they are going to respond? What do you think they are going to say to you? That’s nice, Martin, I’m sure you could do it too — but you don’t have anything to prove.

By “protecting” you from massive failure, they just talked you out of an exciting, terrifying goal. And, strangely enough, you feel better because they just told you they believe in you.

That’s right: You didn’t do anything, just voiced a goal, and you feel better about yourself — but you never actually did anything and everything stays the same.

#6) Talking degrades your ownership/responsibility:

Goal achievement is not only scary and difficult, it requires 110% (to be clichéd) ownership!

The crazy thing is, by pronouncing your goal there is a sort of unexpected backwash of accountability. That’s right, by flapping your gums you’re silently assigning ownership to dozens or hundreds of invisible people who will NOT hold you accountable. PLUS, now when you fail there is an unconscious sharing of the failure; you don’t feel as bad because, well, WE failed.

#7) You lose momentum:

Goal achievement is very difficult and inevitably involves a series of UPS and DOWNS. There is a special dichotomy to goal achievement that simultaneously encourages and discourages you. YOU get stronger, HabitStrength kicks in, your discipline grows, and yet, at the same time, the closer you get to your goal’s achievement the more unexpected hurdles are thrown your way.

Now as those challenges arise, AND because you flapped your gums, what do you do? Are you going to stop and tweet about that new hurdle? Are you going to update “the world” the next time you hit a major setback?

By intentionally keeping your trap shut from the onset, you are able to concentrate on overcoming each challenge as it arises and not be distracted by the optics.  Uh no…major setback on the book deal, I better update “everyone.”

So, if the answer is to keep your yapper clammed up, you may be asking, what should I do instead?

Do this instead:

1) Get clear: Write down your goal and keep it QUIET!
2) Share only if you must: Share with only those few people who are in your life daily and will actually notice anyway and/or (of course) if you’re in a mastermind.
3) Channel your concentration and energy every day toward the development and alignment of core habits that will move you closer to your goal’s achievement.
4) TRACK using the free tracking sheet. If you’re not tracking, you’re not serious. Period. The way to achieve your goal is to align your habits and track them! (See this post on PARR.)
5) Reassess: An important part of PARR is reassessment. Adjust your habits, set new minimum success criteria, and get after it!
6) BEcome GRITTY: You will need the GRIT Habit (see this post).

There is true power in the celebration of goal achievement!

The idea is to bask in the excitement of sharing your achievement AFTER it has taken place! Don’t be tempted or fooled into the excitement of talking and bragging about it before you’ve done little if anything.

Again, all this stems directly from personal experience, and I only realized significant goal breakthroughs when I learned to shut my trap! (If you’re curious what those are, you can go here or here.)

Finally, here’s an example: A good friend actually became a bit upset with me upon the release of The Pressure Paradox,™ saying, “Why didn’t you tell me about this? I had no idea you were writing another book!” All I could do was assure him that I didn’t really tell anyone other than my wife and about two other people, and I certainly didn’t single him out and go through the challenge of writing the book just to keep him in the dark.

Silence, when it comes to goal achievement, truly is golden.

But don’t just take my word for it; apparently there is some “science” that backs this all up!

Have at it, and while you’re at it, ZIP IT!

~mg

Resources

Watch this TED Talk: Derek Sivers, Keep Your Goals to Yourself

Read this: “If You Want To Succeed, Don’t Tell Anyone.” (Psychology Today)

How To Focus Better — ADD/ADHD: The FOCUS Problem & The FOCUS Solution

Focus, goals, habits

[By: Martin Grunburg]

“The successful man is the average man focused.” ~Bruce Lee

“Most ‘unsuccessful’ people are just highly-distracted people.” Anonymous

It’s important to first share that The Habit Factor wouldn’t exist without my own focus challenges. While I’ve never been officially diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, I’ve always struggled with focusing my attention and, therefore (by extension), goal achievement.

Hence, the birth of The Habit Factor!

“What?” You may be saying.

That’s right… and strangely enough there are still “coaches” who insist you should ignore your weaknesses.

The list is endless when it comes to expertise developed from the ashes of one’s weakness. Just off the top of my head, Jim Kwik is a great example. Due to a brain injury he struggled with memory and learning, so he developed a speed-reading, memory-improvement and brain-optimization program.

So, if FOCUS is your big challenge (and it won’t be getting any easier in this “age of distraction”), let me share a few quick tips that continue to help me, and while I’m at it, it occurs to me that you may want to sign up for the FREE Focus and Discipline Webinar (replay).

Focus Precept #1: You Are ENERGY

Here’s another quote for you: “A five-watt lightbulb can barely light up a closet, yet that same energy focused into a laser beam can cut through steel.” ~ Unknown

Energy can either be dispersed in a multitude of different directions at any moment or, it can be channeled and focused like a LASER BEAM.

Whether the above statement is even entirely accurate or not should be of little concern. The power that comes from focus (concentrated energy) is ENORMOUS.

Consider it this way: If you are energy and your goal (out there) is going to require energy to be achieved, then the consistent, recurring behaviors (habits) you develop via concentrated focus will be your key to goal achievement.

Keep this in mind too: Habit is the most efficient form of behavior energy.

As your energy is likely to wane throughout the day, be sure to select your high-energy periods (this is unique for each person, some prefer evenings vs. mornings, etc.) where long stretches of focus are required.

Focus Precept #2: Before Focus Comes CONCENTRATION

To concentrate means: “to gather or collect people or things together in numbers or in a mass.”

Think of concentration as a collection of energy — resources (time, energy), knowledge, etc. In order to focus, concentration must come FIRST. The gathering of YOUR ENTIRE BEING is real concentration.

Gather your SELF — your energy — in order to improve the quality of your focus.

Bring whole, concentrated and quality energy to any given moment you can focus best.

Good energy includes, of course, a good diet, exercise and quality sleep!

Focus Precept #3: Before Concentration comes SELECTION

There is a relentless battle “out there” for your attention so it’s your responsibility to be constantly vigilant and protect your focus by CHOOSING carefully.

The Focus and Performance funnel looks like this:  Energy -> Decide/Selection -> Prepare/Concentrate -> Focus -> Perform. Note that focus is near the bottom of the funnel, meaning you have to get the first few things right in order to realize quality focus.

Screen Shot 2019-01-09 at 7.59.09 AM

What have you decided to focus upon?

BTW: When you say “no” to unimportant things, by default you begin saying “yes” to the things that are important.

What is the outcome you desire?

Are you CLEAR on that outcome?

Clarity begets selection, which precedes concentration.

Focus Precept #4: The Speed of Focus is SLOW

“Muddied waters left to stand become clear.”

Slow down — or better yet, STOP!

The speed of FOCUS is SLOW and/or stopped. A frenzied pace equates to little if any concentration.

One of the quickest ways to focus is to STOP moving and just sit there.

Look at the image above and you can quickly see how the PRACTICE of meditating is a gathering of concentration of resources, which is required to focus well.

Focus Precept #5: Time Blocking

If energy is your number-one resource (and all those “things” that make up quality energy), then it stands to reason that TIME is number two. By allocating time periods and setting minimum focus periods a la the Pomodoro method (see PARR and minimum success criteria), you concentrate the TIME you do have.

A good quote to remember is this:

“You will never have enough time to do everything you want, but you will always have enough time to do the most important things!  ~ Brian Tracy

And that idea, of course, brings you back to selection!

Focus Precept #6: Environmental Distractions and Controlling Your Environment

WHERE you attempt to focus matters.

Take a good look around your work environment to ensure it is conducive to concentration.

Are there any noises, distractions? Where is your phone? Are notifications turned off on all devices? Can people easily interrupt you?

Consider playing classical music and/or try Brain.fm.

Is the environment cluttered?

Focus Precept #7: Keep Flying the Plane! The Cost of Interruptions

Here’s the productivity analogy you’ll never forget: Each time you interrupt your focus:
“You just landed the plane, stupid!”

Before a plane takes off toward its destination (goal), there is a great gathering and concentration of resources: gas, pilots, crew, mechanics, etc.

Then the plane hits the runway and, after expending a bunch of energy to get off the ground, it is finally flying at full speed — cruising toward its goal, and then…

BAM!

You lose concentration for a moment. You begin to wonder what the weather is going to be like this weekend. Or, what the score is. Or if your social media post is getting any love. Or…pick your distraction.

The thinking became a bit too hard, so you needed a “quick break.”

YEP! YOU LANDED THE PLAN, STUPID!

Now, the COST to re-gather the resources, re-concentrate the effort — pick up the pieces and begin again is akin to landing the plane and then having to take off once again. It comes at a tremendous cost to your energy and time. Your flight is now delayed, significantly postponing your time of arrival.

Each distraction likely equals at least 10 minutes in lost productivity just getting back to where you left off. It is probably much more than that.

Now the interesting thing is, there are really only two types of interruptions: those WE create for ourselves and those that are put upon us.

It’s fairly safe to say that for those who struggle with focus and concentration, 99% of interruptions are self-induced!

That is, we check our cell phone for a text. We check Facebook for an update. We check Instagram, our stocks, the weather, surf update, the game score. (See this post: Your Life Is Slipping Away in 15-Minute Increments.)

Wrapping It All Up!

Next time you struggle with focus, run through these precepts as a checklist for yourself. AND in order to ensure that you don’t land the plane, put your phone on AIRPLANE MODE!  We like to call it CONCENTRATION MODE!

Some FOCUS resources:

Podcast: Is My ADD Ruining Me?

Season III 04: With Henry J. Evans “How to Focus Better”

The Habit Factor Book * Habit Factor® Book (Amazon Kindle)

The Habit Factor app (iOS, Android)

Write Room

TRELLO!

Brain.Fm

Pandora (Classical music and Indian Classical for meditation)

2018 Recap: Highlights & Lessons Learned

energy, goals, Health, P.A.R.R. Methodology, PARR Methodology, performance, practicing

[By: Martin Grunburg]

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” ~Socrates

It’s time to perform a quick review of 2018 highlights and lessons learned!

I have selected only my top three (the first that came to mind). BTW: If you’d prefer, you can just listen right here.

Speaking of highlights, the Habits 2 Goals podcast just had its record month for downloads in December 2018!

Below you’ll notice that I’m following a specific process, one I learned from my 10 years’ of experience in EO (Entrepreneur’s Organization), and it goes like this: State the event/experience, then how it made you feel, followed by why it was/is important.

Highlight #1: Reduced Body Fat

I blogged about this experiment/experience here (in detail), including picture-proof of the dunk-tank reading. The short story is that for the first 47-ish years of my life it seemed I could eat whatever I wanted, as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted. However that reality changed fairly quickly, and I found myself experimenting with some simple diet substitutions (new habits) and was able to reduce my body fat from 16.8% body fat to 13%.

How does it makes me feel?

Healthy, fit, strong.

“Health is the first wealth.” ~Emerson

I feel stronger and am running a bit faster and farther in my weekly runs. The idea that I was able to restore/return (in essence) my body composition (lean body mass and fat) to 2006 levels (at age 50) is very rewarding. Finally, I would even submit to you that doing it at 50 vs 35 is even more rewarding.

Why it’s important to me:

Beyond health, which really ought to be reason enough, I believe the real reward is the process and self-efficacy that comes with the achievement of this goal (article written in 2013). It’s also a tremendous affirmation and reminder that DISCIPLINE itself is a HABIT.

Furthermore, the experience is significant because: 1) Using the “substitution solution” and PARR, I’ve developed many supportive habits (aligned with my goal) allowing me with minimal effort to maintain the same composition/weight 9 months later. 2) This affirms the PARR methodology (for positive habit development) and much of the teaching and preaching I’ve been doing since The Habit Factor’s release (book) in 2010 and app in 2008!

More background on PARR (article) and video (HabitStrength™).

Highlight #2: Slacklining

Eva-Slacklining Lessons learned
Mitch (owner of line/rig) teaching my daughter, who’s trying for the first time to walk the line.

This may be the most bizarre highlight of the year…if not my life.

Chances are good that the vast majority of readers have no idea what slacklining is (see above picture). In short, walking across (approx. 50 feet or more) a two-inch-wide line. By the way, in many ways, once again, this isn’t so much about the specific skill or habit (in this case slacklining) as it is about the lessons learned.

How does it make me feel?

Healthy. Perhaps a bit younger and very, very sore ; )

I must have fallen a thousand times (since I began to learn in late June 2018), and in the very beginning just walking four or five steps without any assistance was near impossible.

Why it’s important to me:

First of all, when I started at the end of June I could barely walk four steps on the two-inch-wide line. However, there is some strange correlation for me between  difficulty and addiction level.  Today, I’m able to perform a few basic tricks on the line, including bouncing up to my feet from my butt, jumping on the line, turning around and walking backwards.

Furthermore, it’s been a great reminder to me that life is an experiment and to continue to push myself to try new “things” (skills and experiences) and grow!

Slacklining has been a fantastic study in the close association between skill and habit development, which means: 1) people need to regard HABIT development much the same as skill development and 2) once again, The Habit Factor’s method for habit development, PARR — Plan, Act, Record and Reassess — works for BOTH habit and skill!

Sidenote: An additional benefit is the impact on my surfing.

Early on I thought my surfing was going to make slacklining easier. Unfortunately, that was NOT the case. In contrast, it turns out, slacklining has given me significantly improved balance that has benefited my surfing!

Sidenote II: There appears to be a significant association between balance disorders and a handful of degenerative disease. Therefore, at least in theory anyway, reinforcing balance and equilibrium (training) MAY be helpful in ongoing wellness and health.

Above all, the theme of balance and equilibrium is reinforced often in the blog, the podcast and my books The Habit Factor and The Pressure Paradox.

The Butt Bounce

Walkin’ the line (and back)

Highlight #3: Skydiving

As part of a team-building company event, we decided we’d jump out of an airplane. I blogged about the experience in detail here.

How does it make me feel?

Stoked! Alive!

Why it’s important to me:

Unlike the other two highlights above, which took upwards of 6 months to cultivate (significant discipline, skill and habit development effort), the reward from jumping out of a plane was fairly immediate and the experience gratifying, as it was a great reminder how short life is.

Similarly, it also helped to affirm the importance of truly LIVING — trying new experiences, learning new things, etc. Finally, it helped to underscore the idea that no one ultimately cheats death, we can only cheat life!

Other highlights of the year worth mentioning include:

  • Wife and I celebrated 20 years marriage
  • Summer family trip to Europe (Copenhagen Sweden/Malmo, Paris)
  • Oldest daughter turned 18 (youngest is now 16!)
  • Meditation (blog)
  • Breathing workshop (will be writing and podcasting about this! Still experimenting ; )

***

There you have it! Hope you enjoyed the videos ; ) As you head into 2019, think of some ideas about how YOU can attack life as an experiment!

Here’s to a happy, healthy and prosperous 2019!

Best,

~mg

The Laws of Happiness (Part II), or The Erroneous Pursuit of Happiness

Character, goal theory, goals, Habituation, Happiness, Health, practicing, Success

[By: Martin Grunburg]

Now that we have a better sense of the rules or “laws” that help to cultivate our happiness levels, you might begin to think that happiness IS — or should be — our ultimate goal!

Upon further review, however, we find something far more powerful and deep, much more satisfying and valuable than mere happiness.

Any idea what it is?

The word DEEP is your first clue.

Take a look at the image below.

Angry Lake

The photo is titled “ANGRY LAKE.”

Seems like the question worth pondering is, “Why is it so angry?” What’s going on in this photo?

Well, you might say, the surface is agitated — rough and perhaps even dangerous. The winds are blowing fiercely!

Here’s another question: Where are you looking when you make that assessment?

Now, take a look at this picture:

Screen Shot 2018-12-18 at 10.27.54 AM

This photo literally is called “Tranquility Lake.”

In contrast to the first picture, you see beautiful skies, almost no wind, perfect reflection. All seems wonderful, safe and peaceful.

So wouldn’t it be wonderful if Tranquility Lake NEVER looked like Angry Lake?

Do you think Angry Lake could ever look like Tranquility Lake?

Are We Looking in the Wrong Place?

What do both lakes have in common?

If, at the surface, one lake is “Angry” and the other is “Tranquil,” what’s going on?

In actuality, the answer reveals something far deeper than happiness.

Seems like we get caught up (literally) looking at the facade: We’re fixated upon the surface, which might shift as quickly as the weather might change.

However, what is happening in the deepest parts of both lakes?

Do you think the daily “winds of change” have much, if any, influence upon the deepest parts?

Toward the bottom of the lake — the core — the lake is mostly unfettered, unperturbed. You might even call it content.

The daily winds of change have little influence upon the core, base entity deep near a lake’s bottom.

The depths have little regard for the daily drama — the ups and downs, the mood swings inherent with the events that arise from one day to the next.

Our real target? CONTENTMENT!

When we are content we are much like the core of a lake — calm, stable, peaceful — unaffected by the winds of change.

Gaining Contentment Over Happiness

Before we go any further, it’s important to understand the word “contentment” and what it means:

Screen Shot 2018-12-18 at 11.26.35 AM

Many people confuse contentment with comfort and complacency. Contentment is neither. You might consider contentment as the  up-leveling, or perhaps (in the lake analogy) the down-leveling of happiness. (Read the definition above: “A state of happiness and satisfaction.”)

The natural question, then, is what creates or constitutes contentment? And, how can we BEcome more content?

Recall, to BEcome anything involves the development of our CHARACTER. And, as we know, character is simply a long-standing habit. (That’s Plato, not me; )

Therefore, you’d be correct to presume that the habituation of the 6 Laws of happiness would greatly help to ingrain contentment into one’s character.

Hence, the development of contentment is a result— the biproduct of one’s ability to develop the 6 “Laws” of Happiness into habits.

Thus, these habits ARE MUSTS:

Cultivating strong relationships is a must.
Taking responsibility for one’s life is a must.
Choosing happiness often is a must.
Setting goals and developing oneself (personal development) is a must.
Being of service and purpose is a must.
Acceptance and understanding is a must.
Integrity and being aligned with one’s values is a must.

Developing the habits that constitute happiness leads you to the path of true contentment.

Looking for More?

Finally, I received an email from an old friend who’s going through a lot of CHANGE (recall the winds of change). I was pleased and surprised she’d watched the FREE Happiness Webinar.

LS-ScreenShot-HappinessWebinar

Change is ironically one of life’s great constants. As we face the inevitable winds of change, we can rest assured knowing that our habits of happiness, those that have cultivated a deep-seeded contentment are able to weather any storm that might come our way.

Until next time,

~mg

6 Laws of Happiness

goals, Happiness

[By: Martin Grunburg]

As brilliant as The Declaration of Independence is and our founding fathers were, the statement about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is likely to be confusing to an awful lot of people.

Viktor Frankl put it best when he said, “For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue.”

Happiness is paradoxical — its direct pursuit only confounds the pursuer, pushing the desired outcome further and further away.

Having said that, the following is not just a formula (“happiness math,” if you will), but more like five rules or “laws” that govern our happiness.

Spoiler alert…there’s a significant screwball at the very end. ; )

Why Be Happy?

Before we go any further, let’s quickly reaffirm why we should be happy (happy, happy, happy!) — most of the time (most is a key word here).

First, to put it simply, being happy is fun. What most people may not realize is that several studies about happiness have revealed:

Happier people are healthier; thus, they live longer, they have better relationships, are more productive, and via simple math, spend less time experiencing destructive, negative emotions such as frustration, jealousy, anger, hate, etc.

Some negative emotions, such as frustration, when properly directed, may yield great fruit — frustration can be the spark for creative problem solving, for example. But make no mistake, the objective is to be happy MOST of the time.

So, our goal is to be happy (most of the time). And with that goal in mind, here are a few basic tenets to hold close!

Happiness Law #1: Own It

Rather than pursuing happiness (as though it’s out there somewhere), SIMPLY DECIDE TO BE HAPPY. Aristotle apparently put it this way: “Happiness depends on ourselves.”

Depends on who? Ourselves!

That would rule out your teacher, mom or dad, child, and yes, even cousin Eddie. Think about it this way: If YOU aren’t responsible for your happiness, WHO IS?

Taken a step further: Happiness is a HABIT — cultivate it!

Happiness is something that can and ought to be cultivated (and here’s the kicker) by choice.

Do not wait for it. Don’t look elsewhere for it. Don’t expect it to be delivered via FedEx for overnight delivery in the form of perfect circumstances coming your way.

Happiness Law #2: Be of Service and Seek Creative Ways to Connect the Dots

Be of service and connect the dots. Look at the image below. People enjoy doing things they are good at. That’s obvious, right? What may not be so obvious is finding a way to use your natural gifts AND use them to provide a service/support a cause larger than yourself.

Finding a creative way to support a cause larger than yourself drives happiness, along with a level of satisfaction and contribution.

As a child, chances are good that you loved to do something. In that pursuit, time fell away. You were naturally drawn to this thing: painting, drawing, reading, chess, running, teaching, writing. Where might that intersect with a cause/purpose larger than yourself?

(BTW: This doesn’t mean it has to be your primary source of income. This could be a part-time gig. For instance, you might enjoy working with kids, so you volunteer to become a Big Brother or Big Sister!

<HabitXP-Passion-Interest-Service

 

Happiness Law #3: Personal Development!

You didn’t think this “law” was going to be left off the list, did you?

Happiness is often a result of feeling IN CONTROL. While there may be a lot of things we do not control, one thing we can control is ourselves (in theory), and therefore our personal development.

When you go to work on yourself and your own personal development, you take back control. In doing so, you enact something called self-efficacy. That’s just a fancy way of saying you are able to produce a desired result.

The crazy thing is that even setting the smallest goals and tracking the smallest new habits (using the free habit and goal tracking sheet or app: iOS or Android) develops your self-efficacy. You begin to feel terrific about yourself because you are producing a desired result — jogging, doing pushups, drinking water, etc.

Enter Einstein: “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”

Happiness Law #4: Relationships

After nearly 80 years, Harvard’s long-term study on happiness has revealed the most important factor to be healthy relationships.

To quote the article:

“Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives, the study revealed. Those ties protect people from life’s discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes. That finding proved true across the board among both the Harvard men and the inner-city participants.”

Slow is fast: Relationships are built upon trust, and trust is built over time. True friendship is a lifetime endeavor. (Feel free to tweet that ; )

Money cannot repair, fix or buy trust; trust takes time. The good and bad news is that time moves quickly. Invest time in your most important relationships.

Happiness Law #5: Integrity

Integrity is foundational to our self-image, self-respect and, ultimately, our ability to BE happy. Integrity refers to living in harmony — coherence and alignment — with your personal values.

The challenge for many people is they haven’t taken the time to identify their own personal values.

If you were to perform all the other “laws” above but NOT be in alignment with your own values, it would be rather hard, if not impossible, to respect yourself — most of the time. With low self-respect and integrity, any relationships would be built upon unstable ground, making the quest for happiness even more futile.

Happiness Law #6: Acceptance

Simply consider the opposite of acceptance: Resistance.

Carl Jung put it this way, “What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.”

Simply put, resistance equals frustration. To be to be frustrated is, well, frustrating! Therefore, it’s tough to be happy (most of the time) when “things” frustrate you.”

The key to acceptance, though, is being able to distinguish between those things we can influence and control and those over which we have little or NO influence or control. For instance it’s a waste of your much-needed time and energy to get caught up in political debates, try to change people’s opinions on social media, debate fiscal policies you have no control over, etc.  You need your energy to get your own “house” in order.

It’s hard to be productive and have high-quality energy when it is wasted on “things” over which you have little or no control.

The Serenity prayer sums this up beautifully:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.”

Plato put it this way: “There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot.”

Ready for the Screwball?

In the next post we’re going to review WHY happiness isn’t really what you’re seeking after all. There is something (much literally) deeper and more satisfying — and much more gratifying — than just happiness.

Stay tuned,

~mg

The Worst Self-Help Clichés (My Top 5)

goals, habits, Success

[By: Martin Grunburg]

Well, here we go again! If you’re in the self-help/personal development industry long enough, you can’t escape the pain of hundreds, if not thousands, of well-meaning bloggers and “coaches” who are eager to pass along some inspiration in the form of a quick sound-bite. But chances are good they haven’t thought through these clichés too well themselves before regurgitating them.

So, for your entertainment, here are my Top Five Worst Self Help Clichés. (Counting down from least painful to most painful.)

#1) “You create your reality.”

The short answer is, NO you don’t. You do NOT create your reality. You are a co-creator. “Life” happens to us (accidents, earthquakes, recessions, environmental consequences), and then within that context we have the capacity to create our reality. The cliché that actually applies nicely here is that we can and should “control the controllables” (our thinking/mindset/attitude/speech/actions) within a world of chaos AND order.

#2) “You are where you are because that is exactly where you want to be.”

I used to fall for this one — thinking there is a level of truth to this because I could justify one particular circumstance or another. Then many years ago I read Zig Ziglar’s great work See You at the Top, which shared a story about him on a road trip. He ended up far off course in a town he definitely did NOT want to be in. He goes on to reveal that what threw him way off course was faulty instructions!

The truth is this applies everywhere, not just on a road trip gone awry. Poor guidance (instructions) is essentially the implementation of bad strategy… which often yields poor results. And, come to think of it, at least part of the reason I’m writing this post — the intent is to keep you from bad guidance and poor strategy as you set out to achieve your goals!

My personal experience (having had a great deal of frustration early on with goal achievement) is a perfect example of this. No matter how badly I wanted new and better results in my life, my strategy was poor. The guidance I was following was SMART goals. Devising a better strategy — ultimately, The Habit Factor — helped me to put my focus and attention upon developing the core, related habits that would help me reach my goals. This alone dramatically improved my results and ultimately those of tens of thousands (likely more) around the world!

So, as cute and seemingly innocuous as the sound bite is, “You are where you are because that is where you want to be,” unfortunately, it may actually be reaffirming a person’s poor self-image even though they are truly making a valid effort to BREAKTHROUGH!

Strategy matters (a lot). The Habit Factor (nearly 10  years later) has proven itself as a much more effective and efficient goal achievement methodology/strategy. Unfortunately, SMART goals (and many others) never even mentioned the importance of habit development and alignment.

#3) “You MUST follow your bliss and passion.”

Oh, if I had a nickel … “Just follow your bliss.”

I got it wrong in my podcast on the same topic when referencing Mike Rowe as the guy from CNN’s Dirty Jobs  — apparently it’s on the Discovery Channel. Mike also has a great video (at bottom of this post) about how foolish it is to pass up an opportunity.

As a graduate (1990) with a degree in art, all I wanted to do was paint, sculpt or do graphic design for an advertising agency. My father’s advice at the time was painful. “You know, Mart, you’re pretty good with computers.” This was at a time when there was a growing groundswell of computer use — a veritable tsunami of personal computer sales was on the horizon — and computer stores were popping up everywhere.

He sent me an advertisement cut out of the paper: A computer superstore was coming to San Diego. “I think you should check this out.”

How insulting it was to one of the world’s next great artists! I thought, NO WAY — me? A computer sales guy?

Ultimately, he convinced me to just check it out. I did, and they hired me on the spot as their Macintosh Specialist (I was the only one). Within about 18 months, I’d go on to meet (at the store) my future partners/investors and we’d open a kids’ computer camp.

Now, had I been exclusive to the idea of following my passion and bliss — stubborn, set on driving my art — chances are good that The Habit Factor doesn’t exist, my kids’ computer camp didn’t exist, and (just realizing this now) my wife and kids aren’t in my life, as I met her via the kids’ computer camp (a story for another day).

Had I not participated in the groundswell of a booming PC industry and surfed the opportunity right under my feet, it’s hard to say what would have become of me. There is little doubt, though, that my life would be very different.

So, rather than follow your bliss and passion, I submit this advice instead: Create a path where your bliss and passions intersect with service and an opportunity to solve a problem.

Tied for #3: You are PERFECT just the way you are!

This is painful. Look, if every result in your life (health, happiness, peace of mind, mental well being, financial well being, social and spiritual well being) is at a 10 on a scale of 1-10, then absolutely YOU ARE PERFECT! No need to change.

From my experience — and I’ve both led and participated in dozens of personal development workshops —nobody has every dimension of their life completely dialed in. Nobody’s list has fully optimized 10s across the board, particularly at the same point in time for every dimension.

Does that mean you should beat yourself up? No! Be kind to yourself.

Recall, though, Socrates uttered this statement 2000+ years ago: “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Think of it this way. If you are perfect, you are stagnating — not growing — actually dying.

However, if you are assessing your strengths and weaknesses and challenging yourself to BEcome better — developing new habits and skills as well as setting new goals for yourself — you are growing!

So, let’s restate it like this: “You are perfect and imperfect.” (All at the same time.)

#4) There are NO accidents

Much of this is actually covered in #1 above. But it’s painful nonetheless. Trust me when I tell you that NOBODY is telling the mother and father of the schoolgirl who was killed by a drunk driver in the middle of the day that there are no accidents. Again, chaos precedes order and order precedes chaos. Yin and yang. It’s BOTH. There are accidents and there is order.

#5) You must take massive action to achieve your goals!

Ouch!

This one is uber-painful because it originates from Tony Robbins, and taken within his context, he’s absolutely correct. He’s referring to the massive leap — for instance, the massive action might just be a decision. And, when it comes to decisions, his point is that a real decision exists when it is backed by action.

When he says “you must take massive action to achieve your goal,” he’s suggesting that you take that leap — send that email, call that girl, sign up for the marathon. Those are examples of massive action.

So, what’s the problem?

The problem is that bloggers worldwide and social media posters cling to the literal interpretation of this idea and regurgitate it!

They literally think you must take massive action. As in YOU MUST TAKE ONE BIG STEP to achieve a goal!

However, goal achievement is NOT as much about massive action as it is about small, consistent actions over time (habits!). Confucius says it best: “The man who moves mountains begins by carrying small stones.”

If my goal is to write a book, the way it is going to get done is by writing consistently, developing the writing habit. However, if I tried to write a book in ONE BIG MASSIVE ACTION (sitting), it would likely be a terribly unsuccessful endeavor, if not entirely unfruitful. However massive my action might be, the book isn’t going to be completed.

So what’s the harm in this advice?

Thinking you “MUST’ take “MASSIVE ACTION” to accomplish your goals is a) incorrect in the literal sense and b) actually frightens most people from even attempting to achieve a goal.

How Dichotomous Thinking Is Behind ALL the Pain

The fallacy isn’t so much with the well-meaning self-help advice. The problem is the dichotomous thinking these clichés engender and stem from. It doesn’t have to be ONE way OR the other. It doesn’t have to be either/or. We create our reality AND we don’t create our reality. It’s both.

You have to move fast AND slow. Be patient AND impatient. Take massive action AND small consistent actions over time, etc.

My biggest problem with these self-help clichés stems from people’s inability to appreciate and recognize duality, largely because we grow up in a dichotomous environment (Democrat OR Republican, right OR wrong, my way OR your way, fast OR slow).

Where is the AND?

Almost always, particularly in the self-help arena, the real solution lies among a subtle blend of BOTH.

I explore this concept in great depth in The Pressure Paradox as well as a number of different blog posts.

Til next time friends!

~mg

***

Check out these resources:

Habits2Goals Podcast: What Are the Worst Self-Help Clichés?

Mike Rowe: Don’t Pursue Your Passion, Chase Opportunity

The WHY and HOW to Meditate for Beginners

creativity, energy, meditation

          “All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.” ~Blaise Pascal

[By: Martin Grunburg]

Chances are you’ve heard that meditation is good for you. Or, perhaps you are already sold on its benefits but you haven’t yet crossed over — you haven’t actually done it. You’ve been fixated on your excuses, the reasons you haven’t tried to meditate, such as, “I don’t have enough time,” or “ I don’t know how.”

So, we’ll start right here, with this: The very best way to meditate is (drum roll please) to BEGIN.

That’s right (a la Nike) — JUST DO IT.

This comes from my 15-plus years practicing the art of meditation.

Practice and Experiment

First of all, so let’s assume you’ve actually started “doing it.” Here, then, is my number-one, top meditation tip of all: EXPERIMENT!

At its essence, mediation is a private, personal practice. Therefore, the advice, at least early on, is to try NOT to become tied to any ONE way, doctrine or discipline. Stay open-minded and experiment.

PRACTICE and EXPERIMENT.

That’s it: Practice and experiment.

I’m not saying don’t study or learn from other meditation disciplines. For instance, some friends are adamant about TM (transcendental meditation), and yes, there are perhaps hundreds of different techniques being taught.

While many of these are likely to offer tremendous value, they may also, in a sense, be part of the “noise” keeping you from starting.

How To Begin Meditation

“Sitting peacefully doing nothing, spring comes and the grass grows all by itself.” ~ Zen proverb

Sit quietly. Do nothing.

[Try this! Stop reading and go sit quietly for about five minutes]

Welcome back!

How’d it go?

Were you anxious? Was it strange? Uncomfortable? Fun? Relaxing? Did you gain any clarity?

Why To Begin Meditation

Consider these words from my friend and mentor Brian Tracy:

“Clarity accounts for probably 80% of success and happiness.”

Eighty percent of success and happiness!? Is that true??? Consider that statement and reflect upon your levels of success and happiness.

Brian adds: “Lack of clarity is probably responsible for more frustration and underachievement than any other single factor. That’s why we like to say that ‘Success is goals, and all else is commentary.’ We know that people with clear, written goals, accomplish far more in a shorter period of time than people without them. This is true everywhere and under all circumstances.”

Likewise, I’m fairly sure nobody knows if it’s 60%, 80% or 95% of “success and happiness,” but we do know it’s terribly hard (as in impossible) to hit a target that you cannot see!

So, perhaps TOP among all the other great benefits of mediation may be the clarity that arises from its practice.

“Muddied waters left to stand become clear.” ~Lao Tzu

The Unspoken Competition for “Busy-ness!”

How many times per day do you hear someone say, “I’m so busy!” or, “I’m too busy!”

Now, consider Coach Wooden’s clever insight: “Never confuse activity for accomplishment.”

The truth is most of us are very busy. We’re so busy doing things that will yield very little fruit in terms of lifetime value, and we’re frittering away our time on tasks that will mean nothing in 10 years.

Some people might actually be saying (not you of course) that they are “Too busy to take the time to meditate.”

Imagine that.

Business consultants often share that for every one minute of planning you’re likely to gain back 10 minutes of productivity.

Well, if that is true, I’ll offer that for every one minute of meditation you’re likely to make back 60+ minutes of lifetime effectiveness (more powerful than even productivity)!

The time to stop, pause and meditate is when you don’t think you have the time.

Lin Yutang put it this way:

 “The busy man is never wise and the wise man is never busy.”

At first all these quotes may appear to be meaningless clichés or platitudes; however, I’d encourage you to meditate upon them. ; )

Insights

So here are a list of insights from my personal meditation experiments.

1) Don’t set a time limit and don’t try to be efficient.

My biggest mistake was thinking that I had to meditate for 20 minutes at first. Then, I thought I was able to get the same benefit from 12 minutes, so I reduced my meditation time with the goal of being efficient. Then, before I knew it, my time was down to 10 minutes, then eight, six, and even two. The crazy thing is I actually was getting a great benefit even from a quick two-minute reset. However, I’d lost one of the key tenets: Meditation is hardly about being efficient; it’s about the process — the practice, the experience. Today, my average time is upwards of 45 minutes per day

2) Keep a log.

Any serious practice involves tracking. Feel free to track your practice in the free app or use our free habit and goal-tracking worksheet. Remember that real practice demands Intention and Effort, and tracking/keeping a log is a great way to reinforce both!

3) Guided or unguided meditation? Experiment!

Some people prefer guided meditation that walks you through the breathing and where to put your focus and how to practice mindfulness. You might try this yourself or may even try an app that will guide you, such as Headspace.

4) To empty the mind or not?

Some experts on meditation suggest one of the main objectives is to quiet and/or empty the mind. Others will say it’s to be mindful. Do not be confused. It doesn’t have to be an either/or. I have recently started to keep a journal (in fact two) with me during the meditation. I have my old moleskin and my new HabitXP planner with me. The HabitXP has been a powerful tool for further clarity as it devotes space to both mantras as well as vision, mission and values.

The crazy thing about this to me is I’d meditated for years without ever having a journal with me. The thought never occurred to me, nor had it ever been recommended. Then, one day in a meditation, I was reflecting upon a quote by David Allen, “The mind is for having ideas, not holding them.” To empty the mind and stay more mindful, I now jot things down as they arise.

5) Eyes open or closed? Experiment!

6) Breathing and stretching: Yes and yes. I’ve found that naturally, out of my meditation practice, I’ll spend a good deal of time stretching. As for breathing, there are too many variations to mention here and so many great ways that you can use breathing and visualization together. In fact, in many meditation practices, breathing is the centerpiece to drive mindfulness and relaxation.

7) Silence, mantras and music? Experiment!

First of all, silence is absolutely golden and I LOVE silence. But recently, after years of total silence in my mediation, I began experimenting with different background music using Pandora channels along the lines of #meditation and #zen. Then one day (perhaps on the Zen channel) I heard an amazing sound emerging from my laptop. I jumped up to have a look at what it was. It was captivating…the powerful, magical sound that was emanating from my computer turned out to be the sitar, and I immediately began searching for more music like that. It sounds pretty cliché, I’m sure, but it couldn’t have been more unplanned and organic. Above all, it all came from begin open and willing to experiment.

Consequently, today, my meditation practice involves sitar music, two journals, stretching, and sitting quietly doing nothing.

Finally, Remember that meditation is a practice. True practice is never a one-time thing, or even a two-time or yearlong effort. True practice means practicing for years… perhaps even a lifetime!

10 Quick Reasons Gratitude Is the Game-Changer (Happy Thanksgiving!)

goals, Happiness, Health, learning, relationships

[By: Martin Grunburg]

First, a very happy Thanksgiving (gratitude day) to you and yours! Hope you stay safe and have lots of fun with family and friends!

Having said that, I woke up reflecting on a quote I put in the Habit Factor app about 8 years ago:

“Gratitude is the game-changer!” Then I began to write this and forgot (I wrote this similar post a couple of years ago!)

IMG_2730

iTunes | Android

So, the more I reflected on it — WHY and HOW gratitude is the game-changer — the more I realized I ought to elaborate and review how impactful gratitude is when it is practiced (see last post) in our lives.

Top 10 Reasons Gratitude Is the Game-Changer

1. What you focus upon you feel.
Your feelings dictate your state/physiology at any given moment in time. How relaxed you are, how tense you are, how you are breathing, your posture, etc.

2. Energy! Better energy! (Visit podcast interview with Joe Apfelbaum)
Your energy flows where your attention goes. Feeling grateful directs your energy in a positive fashion! When you are more positive you are…

2. Happier! The mindset of gratitude makes you happier!
It’s easy to be happy when you are focused upon all your good fortune. Chances are good you have eyes and ears and legs and fingers  — and not everyone can say that!

3. Gets “YOU” out of your head!
When you stop thinking about yourself and your problems and actually begin to think about others and their problems, you gain perspective and realize how well you have it. And then…

4. You are more empathetic.
When you are able to put yourself in a position of truly understanding another’s circumstances, you grow as a person and end up better understanding yourself.

5. Increases self-esteem
When you are grateful, you understand just how much you have to be thankful for and you can’t help but feel good about yourself.

6. Increases spiritualism
Just who are we thanking anyway? When you’re grateful for your life, you understand the miracle of existence.

7. *Better, more positive relationships!
Who wouldn’t want to be around a grateful person! Gratitude is contagious.

8. *Greater health
Happier people tend to be healthier!

9. *Sleep better
How well do you sleep at night? A gratitude mindset has a calming influence.

10. * Mental fortitude
When you successfully navigate a struggle, your gratitude and mental toughness both increase.

(*Note: these last four are actually supported and referenced by Psychology Today article — and apparently each are backed by science and research. It’s always little funny to me how “science and research” tends to support much of what we already, intuitively seem to know.)

So, with that, Happy Thanksgiving!

There you have it my friends!

HAPPY T-Day and if you didn’t already know, THIS IS WHY GRATITUDE TRULY IS THE GAME-CHANGER!!! ; )

Stay after it, and keep on trackin’!

~mg

 

The ONE Question You Should Ask Yourself Every Morning (Practice, Part 2)

goals, HabitStregth™, P.A.R.R. Methodology, PARR Methodology, practicing

[By: Martin Grunburg]

Once we know what practice really is (see Part I), we understand how in many ways life itself can be regarded as one long, extended practice session.

Then we recognize that we’re actually practicing all the time — perhaps just not too well.

As an example, writing this blog post is a form of practice. My surf session earlier today was practicing, as was my meditation this morning.

Riding a bike is practice. So is kindness, breathing, religion, what you eat, what you watch on TV and with whom you associate.

Sowing the Seeds with Practice

Some people realize this more quickly than others, while some never realize it at all!

I’m not saying what takes place on a daily basis is necessarily always good practice, but make no mistake, it is practice.

Every moment we are sowing seeds with our energy.

Therefore, the question shifts from what is practice, to what is practicing comprised of?

What are its guts — its component parts? What makes some sessions worthwhile and high quality and other practice garbage?

In other words, IF there were a formula for PRACTICE, to improve its quality, what would it be?

To achieve high-quality practice you need _____?____ and ____?_____ Or, ____?______ and  _______?______ and _______?____?

Typically the fewer elements, the better the formula! ; )

At first blush, the challenge with any such formula is realizing that the concept exists in both the mental and physical spheres. For instance, one can certainly practice their thinking (or should)!

So, for instance, to suggest that the formula is “Intention + ACTION,” unfortunately, doesn’t fit too well, since action doesn’t really exist in the realm of thought.

Enter EFFORT

Thus, any formula for practice ought to take into account both the MENTAL and PHYSICAL realms. We can practice and refine the quality of our thinking, and we can practice and refine the quality of our actions.

So, we end up with this working formula:

INTENTION + EFFORT = PRACTICE

The quality of your intention PLUS the quality of your effort equates to the quality of your practice.

Since “effort” includes mental and/or physical exertion — and, better still, tends to imply continued or repeated effort — this formula becomes a process.

For instance, on a scale of 1-5 (for the component parts), if my INTENTION to learn piano is a 2 and my EFFORT is a 1.5, according to this formula, the result — the output quality of my practice — would only be a 3.5 (very low). [Keep in mind since it’s intention PLUS effort the practice quality scale must go up to 10.]

So, if this formula (for purposes of discussion) were true, then the next question would be, what is the best process to refine one’s practice?

Enter P.A.R.R. (again): Plan, Act, Record and Reassess

As it turns out, the processes to produce quality practice — to elevate one’s practice — and to develop positive habits are the same!

PARR is what The Habit Factor has taught all along to create and improve one’s HabitStrength.

Plan = INTENTION; Act (in this case effort); Record = reaffirming the intention;  Reassess allows one to assess both the results and make any adjustments necessary for better practice and results next time.

Ben Knew How to Practice

BF- HabitTracking Chart-

Now, with “ALL LIFE IS PRACTICE” as the backdrop in mind, let’s revisit our buddy Benjamin Franklin and his 13 Virtues (above).

Here is what Ben wrote in his autobiography:

“I hope, therefore, that my descendants (YOU!) will follow this example and reap the benefits.”

What is he talking about?

Specifically, he was referring to his process of practice. The process he used to develop and refine his CHARACTER. His practice, as he referred to it, to improve his character — to refine the habits that would formulate his virtues.

He didn’t call it PARR, but that is precisely what he did!

Ben Planned, Acted, Recorded and then Reassessed.

He kept a journal and each week he would isolate JUST ONE habit (a to-be virtue) and track it! So, for instance, it might be Order or Humility. Week after week he’d rotate through the list and concentrate upon a new virtue. Then each day he would take the time to notate and comment in his journal if he had an infraction (something he thought went against his INTENTION).

That’s right: Ben practiced and refined his actions and/or thoughts (with effort) to develop the habits that would yield the desired VIRTUES.

What were his results?

I’ll let him tell you. These are his words from his autobiography,

“On the whole, tho’ I never arrived at the Perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell short of it,” Ben wrote. “Yet as I was, by the Endeavor, a better and a happier Man than I otherwise should have been if I had not attempted it.” Then he goes on (again for emphasis!): “I hope, therefore, that my descendants will follow this example and reap the benefits.”

Time to start practicing! ; )

~mg

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