Success

3 Things You Should Know About VIRTUE — Before It’s Too Late!

Character, discipline, goals, habits, Habituation, Success

[By: Martin Grunburg]

In theory, there may be no better “cause” than the development of one’s virtue. Having said that, there is a fair degree of uncertainty about exactly what virtue is, why it’s important, and perhaps most importantly, the process by which to cultivate it. Add to that news stories and repeated scandals related to the Catholic church and other religious groups, and the idea of virtue may be somewhat tainted.

What Virtue Is Not

To become virtuous does not mean your intention is to become better than others. Rather, it means you’re attempting (key word denoting effort) to become better than you used to be.

Wayne Dyer used to put it this way: “True nobility (virtue) isn’t about being better than others; it’s about being better than you were before.”

Now, I fully recognize there is popular psychology out there that wants you to believe you are just perfect — exactly as you are.

I’m nearly certain YOU are not the little snowflake they believe you to be. So, allow me to help you with that:

You are indeed just perfect AND you need a lot of work. We all do.

Both you and I and everyone else has plenty of “sweeping” we can do “at our own front door” — beginning with our character.

Now, if for some reason that is offensive to you and you don’t want to think of cultivating your virtue in terms of improving your character, how about considering these 4 major dimensions related to one’s well-being: Mind, Body, Spirit, Social.

Can you tell me (or, better yet, yourself) that you are a 10 (on a scale of 1-10) in each of those categories? If the answer is a resounding yes, than I guess you are perfect. Chances are good, though, that there are NO tens on your scorecard, and that is a GOOD thing. There are plenty of things to work on and improve— hence, the cultivation of your virtue!

Why Develop Virtue?

In short, it’s great for you and arguably the very best gift you can give your loved ones!

There’s a lot of talk these days about Stoicism, largely because of this guy, Ryan Holiday (stoicism post).

A recent article explains what the Stoics viewed as the “highest good,” a Latin phrase, “Summum Bonum.”

These were the highest virtues for the Stoics: Wisdom, Temperance, Justice & Courage. (See the Great Ted-Ed.com video below!)

Ultimately, like Zeno (above video), we come to realize that the refinement of our character is the highest good and might well be the very best gift we can give our loved ones. Not money. Not knowledge. Not a new car. Not a trip around the world… just your very best self.

The Path To Virtue

And we arrive at the kicker…the coup de gras…the pièce de résistance.

Brace yourself.

The path to virtue is habit. (You probably saw that coming ; )

Don’t take it from me, though; here’s what Aristotle had to say in Nicomachean Ethics:

“We become builders building, we become harpists by playing the harp. Therefore we become just by doing just actions, temperate by doing temperate actions, brave by doing brave actions . . . Virtue, then, is a habit or trained faculty of choice.”

The fascinating thing about virtue is, it does not exist without habit.

In other words, if Jim Bob is known for possessing the honesty virtue, it’s because he habitually acts honestly.

What We Ultimately Learn About Virtue

It’s the very same lesson that Benjamin Franklin (of course!) figured out centuries ago. What did he NOT do?

As a young man, Ben found many flaws in his character. So he began a practice to track 13 virtues he hoped to develop. Each he identified as a weakness that needed improvement, and in so doing, his character and (he reasoned) his life would improve.

How did it go for little Benji?

Well, while we could simply say, “The rest is history,” I’ll let him take it from here. The following is a direct statement about his practice of intentionally crafting his virtues as he wrote in his autobiography:

“I hope, therefore, that my descendants shall follow this example [tracking his virtues] and reap the benefits.”

Please allow that statement to sink in.

Perhaps the most accomplished man ever to have lived cites the tracking of his virtues (habits) as the most rewarding experience of his life. Not inventing bifocals, nor the lightning rod, or his other accomplishments. Not becoming the first U.S. Post Master General. Not drafting the Declaration of Independence.

It was tracking his habits.

“Character is long-standing habit.” ~Plutarch

Until next time, as always, thanks for reading and sharing.

~mg

References:

Aristotle: Nicomachean Ethics
http://web.mnstate.edu/gracyk/courses/web%20publishing/AristotleVirtueAsMean.htm

Lecture 9: Virtue and Habit 1
https://oyc.yale.edu/philosophy/phil-181/lecture-9

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4434789/

8 Reasons Personal Development (Self-Help) Is The Best Thing You Can Do for Yourself

Character, creative theory, discipline, goals, Habit Alignment, learning, self esteem, Success

By: Martin Grunburg]

I want to elaborate a bit on a recent popular podcast episode, “The Best Gift You Can Give.”

Do you know the best gift you can give someone? Is it love? Money? A trip around the world? Knowledge?

I’ve been doing this a lot these days — writing follow-ups to podcast episodes I aired previously.

This provides me with an opportunity to elaborate and perhaps clarify my off-the-cuff ramblings. Now, you’d think I’d do it the other way around — that is write the post FIRST and then do the podcast after — but that’s not how I’ve rolled.

Perhaps someday.

Having said that, here are at least 8 reasons personal development (self-help) is the very best thing you can do for yourself and by extension your loved ones —and as one listener put it, the world!

#1) Awareness!

The Dalai Lama likes to say, “Awareness is like the sun, and when it shines on things they are transformed.” Now, you might argue that things are transformed anyway with or without awareness. This is true, yet one is intentional (and guided) and the other is by default and without intention. Incredibly, you get to choose which! Choosing the former, of course, begins with awareness.

#2) Self-Knowledge!

Lao Tzu put it this way: “Knowing others is intelligence and knowing the self is true wisdom.” Plato suggested that, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Both of these pieces of advice lead us to self-knowledge. “Know Thyself” was an ancient Greek aphorism for good reason.

#3) Strengths & Weaknesses!

Knowing thyself leads us to understand both our strengths and our weaknesses. The “funny” thing is there are “gurus” out there who insist you ought to ignore your weaknesses and just focus on your strengths! Please do not do this. That would be a terrific mistake. There are countless famous and non-famous people who have turned a perceived “weakness” into a strength via awareness and intention. Had I ignored my weakness — an inability to focus (concentrate my efforts) and achieve goals — The Habit Factor (book, app (iOS & Android), methodology) would not exist.

#4) Direction!

When we begin to really understand both our strengths and weaknesses, we can formulate new ideals (goals) to aim for. Do I need to become more kind? Do I need to become a better listener? How can I better serve my community? Goals formulate when we have awareness and understand our strengths and weaknesses.

#5) Habits!

Once new ideals are established and goals become fastened, those who follow The Habit Factor® know and understand that the most efficient path to realizing goals is to establish new, positive habits that are aligned with their goal. Therefore, they begin to intentionally focus on those core, recurring behaviors — the habits that will lead them to their new goal and ideals.

6) Character!

Apparently I cannot write or speak about this enough: The Latin root of habit is HABIT•US, meaning: “Condition and/or CHARACTER.” Thus, your condition, at this moment, and your character are the sum total of all your thought and behavior habits to this point. Habit equals Character.

7) Nobility!

This sounds a bit extreme, I know, but stick with me here: It’s based upon a terrific quote by the late, great Wayne Dyer. He would often say, “True nobility is not about being better than anyone else; true nobility is about being better than you used to be.” And, where is the harm in that?

Finally, such “nobility” bettering ourselves leads us to:

8) Virtue!

Virtue is the result of long-standing habit! Don’t take it from me, that’s Aristotle! When Ben Franklin decided (note the word: DECIDED!) to intentionally craft his 13 virtues, he didn’t even know it at the time, but he was simply tracking and forging habits — the core, related behaviors (habits) that would ultimately help him yield the wonderful 13 virtues he desired!

So there you have it: 8 great reasons WHY (each leading to the next), the very best gift you can give yourself, your loved ones and the world is the pursuit of your own self-improvement (self-help) and personal development— whatever term floats your boat!

Til next time,

~mg

How Intelligent Are You? The One-Question IQ Test That Will Truly Prove Your Intelligence

Character, goal theory, goals, Habit Alignment, habits, learning, Success

[By: Martin Grunburg]

Intelligence.

What a concept!

Perhaps strange subject matter for a blog about HABITS and GOALS, right?

But maybe not.

In my interview that went live just last week with Alex Bates, pay particular attention to minute 15-16, where we have a discussion relative to defining artificial INTELLIGENCE.

——————–

Me: Is it [artificial intelligence] not the ability for the computer to learn and/or teach itself?

Alex: Learning is a key part of it, but even broader than that, potentially, you can have intelligent behavior that was pre-programmed. So, I think learning is fundamental but artificial intelligence is a system that — a lot of times they will include the term, “goal-directed behavior,” meaning it can accomplish goals, and sometimes there are challenges thrown its way, and sometimes it uses learning to accomplish those goals, and sometimes it doesn’t.

——————–

Brilliant.

Artificial intelligence is (equals) goal-directed behavior.

That’s worth repeating to yourself.

And, if that is true, my friend, what is intelligence?

Repeat: If artificial intelligence is goal-directed behavior, what is intelligence?

Correct: Intelligence must be goal-directed behavior. (Underscore and repeat to yourself.)

Don’t be Dumb!

I’m 50 years old and that was the first time I understood intelligence as “goal-directed behavior.”

A couple years ago, I tweeted to a fairly popular blogger (a self-described “neurotic Jew” — think Woody Allen-esque).

I enjoyed his writing and he was a pretty funny guy. But either for click-bait purposes or to stir some controversy, he tweeted something like, “self-help doesn’t work,” or “self-help is bogus.” Strange, because all he writes about is how personal development has helped him.

The tweet got to me (though I shouldn’t have taken the bait). My reply was swift: “Don’t be dumb!” Then I felt bad. I wanted to make sure I hadn’t offended him, so I followed up with, “I’m not saying you are dumb, I’m saying you should not be dumb.”

Don’t be dumb.

Not sure he grasped the distinction and pretty sure he then blocked me! ; )

So the reason I share that story is, I’m saying the same thing to you right now: “Don’t BE dumb.” I’m not saying you are dumb, I’m saying, please, “Just don’t be dumb!”

How Not To Be Dumb

Set goals. Have a positive, worthwhile goal/ideal that you are pursuing!

That’s it!

You either have goals identified and are working toward them (goal-directed behavior), or you don’t. One is dumb; the other is intelligence at work.

And, by the way, THAT (the work part) is very important!

Intelligence, according to the dictionary definition (below) is: “The ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.”

intelligence definition

I have underlined AND italicized for effect.

I’m sure we ALL know many “intelligent” people who are great at acquiring knowledge. Yet, according to this definition, they are not intelligent if they are not applying it.

Apparently Confucius use to say, “To know and not to do is not to know.”

So, truly, there is just one simple question — a ONE-QUESTION IQ test — to use on yourself, your loved ones and friends:

Are you pursing a worthwhile goal/ideal?

Great. Get after it!

~mg

(part II next week) as always, THANK YOU for reading, sharing and worth noting, pushing the Habits 2 Goals podcast into another record month (that’s two months back to back!)

The Laws of Happiness (Part II), or The Erroneous Pursuit of Happiness

Character, goal theory, goals, Habituation, Happiness, Health, practicing, Success

[By: Martin Grunburg]

Now that we have a better sense of the rules or “laws” that help to cultivate our happiness levels, you might begin to think that happiness IS — or should be — our ultimate goal!

Upon further review, however, we find something far more powerful and deep, much more satisfying and valuable than mere happiness.

Any idea what it is?

The word DEEP is your first clue.

Take a look at the image below.

The photo is titled “ANGRY LAKE.”

Seems like the question worth pondering is, “Why is it so angry?” What’s going on in this photo?

Well, you might say, the surface is agitated — rough and perhaps even dangerous. The winds are blowing fiercely!

Here’s another question: Where are you looking when you make that assessment?

Now, take a look at this picture:

This photo literally is called “Tranquility Lake.”

In contrast to the first picture, you see beautiful skies, almost no wind, perfect reflection. All seems wonderful, safe and peaceful.

So wouldn’t it be wonderful if Tranquility Lake NEVER looked like Angry Lake?

Do you think Angry Lake could ever look like Tranquility Lake?

Are We Looking in the Wrong Place?

What do both lakes have in common?

If, at the surface, one lake is “Angry” and the other is “Tranquil,” what’s going on?

In actuality, the answer reveals something far deeper than happiness.

Seems like we get caught up (literally) looking at the facade: We’re fixated upon the surface, which might shift as quickly as the weather might change.

However, what is happening in the deepest parts of both lakes?

Do you think the daily “winds of change” have much, if any, influence upon the deepest parts?

Toward the bottom of the lake — the core — the lake is mostly unfettered, unperturbed. You might even call it content.

The daily winds of change have little influence upon the core, base entity deep near a lake’s bottom.

The depths have little regard for the daily drama — the ups and downs, the mood swings inherent with the events that arise from one day to the next.

Our real target? CONTENTMENT!

When we are content we are much like the core of a lake — calm, stable, peaceful — unaffected by the winds of change.

Gaining Contentment Over Happiness

Before we go any further, it’s important to understand the word “contentment” and what it means:

Many people confuse contentment with comfort and complacency. Contentment is neither. You might consider contentment as the up-leveling, or perhaps (in the lake analogy) the down-leveling of happiness. (Read the definition above: “A state of happiness and satisfaction.”)

The natural question, then, is what creates or constitutes contentment? And, how can we BEcome more content?

Recall, to BEcome anything involves the development of our CHARACTER. And, as we know, character is simply a long-standing habit. (That’s Plato, not me; )

Therefore, you’d be correct to presume that the habituation of the 6 Laws of happiness would greatly help to ingrain contentment into one’s character.

Hence, the development of contentment is a result— the biproduct of one’s ability to develop the 6 “Laws” of Happiness into habits.

Thus, these habits ARE MUSTS:

Cultivating strong relationships is a must.
Taking responsibility for one’s life is a must.
Choosing happiness often is a must.
Setting goals and developing oneself (personal development) is a must.
Being of service and purpose is a must.
Acceptance and understanding is a must.
Integrity and being aligned with one’s values is a must.

Developing the habits that constitute happiness leads you to the path of true contentment.

Looking for More?

Finally, I received an email from an old friend who’s going through a lot of CHANGE (recall the winds of change). I was pleased and surprised she’d watched the FREE Happiness Webinar.

Change is ironically one of life’s great constants. As we face the inevitable winds of change, we can rest assured knowing that our habits of happiness, those that have cultivated a deep-seeded contentment are able to weather any storm that might come our way.

Until next time,

~mg

The Worst Self-Help Clichés (My Top 5)

goals, habits, Success

[By: Martin Grunburg]

Well, here we go again! If you’re in the self-help/personal development industry long enough, you can’t escape the pain of hundreds, if not thousands, of well-meaning bloggers and “coaches” who are eager to pass along some inspiration in the form of a quick sound-bite. But chances are good they haven’t thought through these clichés too well themselves before regurgitating them.

So, for your entertainment, here are my Top Five Worst Self Help Clichés. (Counting down from least painful to most painful.)

#1) “You create your reality.”

The short answer is, NO you don’t. You do NOT create your reality. You are a co-creator. “Life” happens to us (accidents, earthquakes, recessions, environmental consequences), and then within that context we have the capacity to create our reality. The cliché that actually applies nicely here is that we can and should “control the controllables” (our thinking/mindset/attitude/speech/actions) within a world of chaos AND order.

#2) “You are where you are because that is exactly where you want to be.”

I used to fall for this one — thinking there is a level of truth to this because I could justify one particular circumstance or another. Then many years ago I read Zig Ziglar’s great work See You at the Top, which shared a story about him on a road trip. He ended up far off course in a town he definitely did NOT want to be in. He goes on to reveal that what threw him way off course was faulty instructions!

The truth is this applies everywhere, not just on a road trip gone awry. Poor guidance (instructions) is essentially the implementation of bad strategy… which often yields poor results. And, come to think of it, at least part of the reason I’m writing this post — the intent is to keep you from bad guidance and poor strategy as you set out to achieve your goals!

My personal experience (having had a great deal of frustration early on with goal achievement) is a perfect example of this. No matter how badly I wanted new and better results in my life, my strategy was poor. The guidance I was following was SMART goals. Devising a better strategy — ultimately, The Habit Factor — helped me to put my focus and attention upon developing the core, related habits that would help me reach my goals. This alone dramatically improved my results and ultimately those of tens of thousands (likely more) around the world!

So, as cute and seemingly innocuous as the sound bite is, “You are where you are because that is where you want to be,” unfortunately, it may actually be reaffirming a person’s poor self-image even though they are truly making a valid effort to BREAKTHROUGH!

Strategy matters (a lot). The Habit Factor (nearly 10 years later) has proven itself as a much more effective and efficient goal achievement methodology/strategy. Unfortunately, SMART goals (and many others) never even mentioned the importance of habit development and alignment.

#3) “You MUST follow your bliss and passion.”

Oh, if I had a nickel … “Just follow your bliss.”

I got it wrong in my podcast on the same topic when referencing Mike Rowe as the guy from CNN’s Dirty Jobs — apparently it’s on the Discovery Channel. Mike also has a great video (at bottom of this post) about how foolish it is to pass up an opportunity.

As a graduate (1990) with a degree in art, all I wanted to do was paint, sculpt or do graphic design for an advertising agency. My father’s advice at the time was painful. “You know, Mart, you’re pretty good with computers.” This was at a time when there was a growing groundswell of computer use — a veritable tsunami of personal computer sales was on the horizon — and computer stores were popping up everywhere.

He sent me an advertisement cut out of the paper: A computer superstore was coming to San Diego. “I think you should check this out.”

How insulting it was to one of the world’s next great artists! I thought, NO WAY — me? A computer sales guy?

Ultimately, he convinced me to just check it out. I did, and they hired me on the spot as their Macintosh Specialist (I was the only one). Within about 18 months, I’d go on to meet (at the store) my future partners/investors and we’d open a kids’ computer camp.

Now, had I been exclusive to the idea of following my passion and bliss — stubborn, set on driving my art — chances are good that The Habit Factor doesn’t exist, my kids’ computer camp didn’t exist, and (just realizing this now) my wife and kids aren’t in my life, as I met her via the kids’ computer camp (a story for another day).

Had I not participated in the groundswell of a booming PC industry and surfed the opportunity right under my feet, it’s hard to say what would have become of me. There is little doubt, though, that my life would be very different.

So, rather than follow your bliss and passion, I submit this advice instead: Create a path where your bliss and passions intersect with service and an opportunity to solve a problem.

Tied for #3: You are PERFECT just the way you are!

This is painful. Look, if every result in your life (health, happiness, peace of mind, mental well being, financial well being, social and spiritual well being) is at a 10 on a scale of 1-10, then absolutely YOU ARE PERFECT! No need to change.

From my experience — and I’ve both led and participated in dozens of personal development workshops —nobody has every dimension of their life completely dialed in. Nobody’s list has fully optimized 10s across the board, particularly at the same point in time for every dimension.

Does that mean you should beat yourself up? No! Be kind to yourself.

Recall, though, Socrates uttered this statement 2000+ years ago: “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Think of it this way. If you are perfect, you are stagnating — not growing — actually dying.

However, if you are assessing your strengths and weaknesses and challenging yourself to BEcome better — developing new habits and skills as well as setting new goals for yourself — you are growing!

So, let’s restate it like this: “You are perfect and imperfect.” (All at the same time.)

#4) There are NO accidents

Much of this is actually covered in #1 above. But it’s painful nonetheless. Trust me when I tell you that NOBODY is telling the mother and father of the schoolgirl who was killed by a drunk driver in the middle of the day that there are no accidents. Again, chaos precedes order and order precedes chaos. Yin and yang. It’s BOTH. There are accidents and there is order.

#5) You must take massive action to achieve your goals!

Ouch!

This one is uber-painful because it originates from Tony Robbins, and taken within his context, he’s absolutely correct. He’s referring to the massive leap — for instance, the massive action might just be a decision. And, when it comes to decisions, his point is that a real decision exists when it is backed by action.

When he says “you must take massive action to achieve your goal,” he’s suggesting that you take that leap — send that email, call that girl, sign up for the marathon. Those are examples of massive action.

So, what’s the problem?

The problem is that bloggers worldwide and social media posters cling to the literal interpretation of this idea and regurgitate it!

They literally think you must take massive action. As in YOU MUST TAKE ONE BIG STEP to achieve a goal!

However, goal achievement is NOT as much about massive action as it is about small, consistent actions over time (habits!). Confucius says it best: “The man who moves mountains begins by carrying small stones.”

If my goal is to write a book, the way it is going to get done is by writing consistently, developing the writing habit. However, if I tried to write a book in ONE BIG MASSIVE ACTION (sitting), it would likely be a terribly unsuccessful endeavor, if not entirely unfruitful. However massive my action might be, the book isn’t going to be completed.

So what’s the harm in this advice?

Thinking you “MUST’ take “MASSIVE ACTION” to accomplish your goals is a) incorrect in the literal sense and b) actually frightens most people from even attempting to achieve a goal.

How Dichotomous Thinking Is Behind ALL the Pain

The fallacy isn’t so much with the well-meaning self-help advice. The problem is the dichotomous thinking these clichés engender and stem from. It doesn’t have to be ONE way OR the other. It doesn’t have to be either/or. We create our reality AND we don’t create our reality. It’s both.

You have to move fast AND slow. Be patient AND impatient. Take massive action AND small consistent actions over time, etc.

My biggest problem with these self-help clichés stems from people’s inability to appreciate and recognize duality, largely because we grow up in a dichotomous environment (Democrat OR Republican, right OR wrong, my way OR your way, fast OR slow).

Where is the AND?

Almost always, particularly in the self-help arena, the real solution lies among a subtle blend of BOTH.

I explore this concept in great depth in The Pressure Paradox as well as a number of different blog posts.

Til next time friends!

~mg

***

Check out these resources:

Habits2Goals Podcast: What Are the Worst Self-Help Clichés?

Mike Rowe: Don’t Pursue Your Passion, Chase Opportunity

The ONE Question You Should Ask Yourself Every Morning (Practice, Part 1)

creative theory, discipline, habits, P.A.R.R. Methodology, practicing, preparation, Success

[By: Martin Grunburg]

What will I practice today?

That’s it.

That’s the question.

Most of us never give the idea of PRACTICE too much thought. Certainly most of us don’t give it enough thought. Unfortunately, we aren’t practicing anything.

Another day gone and another 86,400 seconds lost.

What are you practicing today?

God knows it took me the better part of 45-plus years to better understand the importance of practicing, and I’m still studying the value and influence.

WHAT IS PRACTICE?

Let’s start with the basics:

Here’s the dictionary definition:

1. The actual application or use of an idea, belief, or method as opposed to theories about such application or use.
“The principles and practice of teaching.” Synonyms: application, exercise, use, operation, implementation, execution.
2. Repeated exercise in or performance of an activity or skill so as to acquire or maintain proficiency in it.
“It must have taken a lot of practice to become so fluent.”

Here’s the etymology:

c. 1400, “to do, act;” early 15c., “to follow or employ; to carry on a profession,” especially medicine, from Old French pratiser, practiser “to practice,” alteration of practiquer, from Medieval Latin practicare “to do, perform,” from Late Latin practicus “practical,” from Greek praktikos “practical”

early 15c., practise, “practical application,” originally especially of medicine but also alchemy, education, etc.; from Old French pratiser,

PRACTICE IS INPUT

Here are some elements to consider:

Practice is input and performance/results are output.
It is learning, as real learning is experiential — an active pursuit demanding knowledge be put into practice.
Learning without practice is just theory. See the dictionary definition above: “the actual application of an idea, belief or method “as opposed to theories about application or use.”

THE FAMILY TREE OF PERFORMANCE

Practice is the Great-Grandfather of Performance

Practice, it could be said, is the father of discipline, while discipline is the father of habit and skill.

One’s habits and skills (within any discipline) produce the output of performance and results.

The disciplined boxer becomes disciplined via practicing.

Similarly, the highly skilled boxer becomes so via the habits of discipline, sacrifice and hard work.

We ALL seem to get this when it comes to the professional boxer, swimmer, dancer, gymnast — the performers we admire.

But, for even the most seasoned professionals, the most time they actually spend performing might be five percent of their life.

Five percent!

The swimmer who wakes up at 5am knows exactly what she will be working on — what she is practicing that day.

The boxer can say the same.

What about you?

LIFE IS A PROFESSIONAL SPORT

So . . . start practicing!

Consider the phrase often used in reference to a doctor or professor: “Where is your practice?”

The other phrase we use in determining a specialty within the practice for a doctor might be, “What is your specific discipline?”

Through practice comes discipline.

Here are a few things YOU might consider practicing today.

Silence
Listening
Meditation
Breathing
Stretching
Reading
Writing
Editing
Guitar
Kindness
Compassion
Love
Piano
Chess
Gratitude
Sales Calls
Marketing
Advertising
Honesty

and then tomorrow and the following day.

So, what are you practicing today?

Have you set any intention to BEcome better — to improve in any particular discipline?

Great.

Now, it’s time to start practicing!

Until next week,

~mg

Next week we’ll focus on what practice is comprised of, that is, what you must bring to make your practice higher quality!

Go Deep and Repeat: Why Learning Is a Repetitive Sport

Character, goals, learning, preparation, Success

By: Martin Grunburg

“How many times have you listened to that playlist?” my friend asked.

“I don’t know,” I answered. “Probably a couple hundred times.”

He was referring to my personal development playlist on my phone, which includes some of my favorite thinkers and thought leaders, from Wayne Dyer to Tony Robbins, with a healthy dose of Covey, Nightingale, Hill and a host of everything in between.

This “PD Playlist” just goes into auto-shuffle mode during any run or workout, and at this point I almost always hear a familiar lesson or message. Rarely I will introduce new material, and sometimes — to add variety — I’ll throw in my “metal-love” or Jack Johnson playlist.

Let me back up, though.

I used to think I was foolish — or perhaps just not too smart — because I always liked hearing a lesson or message several times. And by “several” I mean in the dozens-plus! I seem to do this with books, as well. So I will re-engage any playlist or book I’m studying over and over and over.

I’m sure it seems like listening to the same message or lesson (material) over and over and over again — AND then some more — must be a huge waste of time, energy and, by association, money, right? I’m not so sure; it might be the exact opposite.

The Habit of Learning

We don’t seem to question a person who practices a “discipline” (interesting choice of words), such as piano, over and over and over again. Or, the person who puts in hundreds, maybe even thousands of hours to perform better, right?

When it comes to performance-related activities, practice and repetition are essential, yet somehow, when it comes to learning, it’s considered a waste of time.

Have you ever watched the same movie more than once? How about more than a half-dozen times? What happened each time you saw the movie? Did you happen to notice any new material? Were there any nuances or new information you interpreted differently? Perhaps you even said, “Huh, I didn’t catch that the last time I saw this!”

Well, watching a movie isn’t too dissimilar from learning (at least for me). I can listen to the same podcast or lesson or class, or read the same book, and all of a sudden it seems as though I’m picking up on brand-new information. Here’s the best part: I am!

Of course, that information was there all along, wasn’t it? So, what happened?

What happened is “life.” One of my favorite quotes (link) is, “When the student is ready, the master appears.”

Sometimes we’re just not ready. Sometimes our head is in a different place, our attention is elsewhere (and of course this is a great case for learning to focus our attention in the moment, particularly when it comes to learning, but that is for another time).

The Key to Deep Learning

Then there is this theory: Maybe there’s only so much NEW info we can jam into our heads before it’s “full” (for the moment anyway).

It reminds me of the quote (reportedly attributed to Samuel Clemons), “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.”

The point is we live in a highly dynamic world where information and our attention are always shifting. Therefore, it’s essential to revisit the same information/material when you want to learn it deeply. By studying the same material over and over and over again, you gain incredible depth that you wouldn’t otherwise have attained.

I know now that this is precisely why and how The Habit Factor was able to provide such breakthroughs around the subject of habit!

GO DEEP and REPEAT, whether it is a performance or learning a subject that interests you. In many ways there is nothing new here; it’s the same as when people are achieving a Ph.D. What do they do? The student goes deep. She spends four years learning about ONE discipline from various aspects, angles and perspectives. She studies one subject deeply.

Why aren’t you doing that with the subjects that tickle your fancy!?

So, whatever captures your attention and curiosity, give into it, and do not be rushed. Spend 15 minutes a day reading about it, listening to the same lessons over and over, and writing about it.

Chances are good that around year five you will be considered an “expert”!

A version of this post first appeared on February 27, 2017.

Habit + Pressure = Metamorphosis

Character, discipline, goals, Habit Alignment, habits, responsibility, Success

“The person who now stands before the court is no longer the person who has committed these crimes. For that reason, this court will not hold you accountable.”

By: Martin Grunburg

In order to realize any real, substantive change in our lives, the path often requires two essential forces: Pressure and Habit (hopefully new, positive habits).

Then, there is the crucible, or “Crucible Factor.” (Have at it, someone! There’s a book here!)

The crucible represents an event or a moment in time we pass through to help catalyze a substantive change — to make it complete.

The definition of CRUCIBLE is particularly interesting as it relates to metamorphosis:

“A situation of severe trial, or in which different elements interact, leading to the creation of something new.”

Now, ask yourself, “What are those different elements?”

Enter Metamorphosis

Next, let’s consider the definition of metamorphosis.

[Also called transformation. A change in the form and often habits of an animal during normal development after the embryonic stage. Metamorphosis includes, in insects, the transformation of a maggot into an adult fly and a caterpillar into a butterfly. In amphibians it’s the changing of a tadpole into a frog.]

The key idea is that you don’t have to be in an embryonic stage — or even a caterpillar or frog — to realize this. It’s your HABITS (of thought and action) that constitute and direct your metamorphosis!

That’s powerful!

There is no need to sit and wait for change to impose itself on you. Rather, YOU CAN DIRECT THE CHANGE— via your habits.

Here’s Where It Gets Fun!

A while back, a Facebook friend wrote an inspiring post. Though I’d never met him in person, I contacted him to learn more about his personal metamorphosis.

With his permission, here is his post. (As you read, notice the elements that are responsible for the change — his metamorphosis.)

Kris to me: “Happy to have you post it, happy to help and share any part of the story with anyone and anytime.”

Powerful Transformations

I learned that Kris had two significant transformations in his life, and both were catalyzed by powerful crucible-type moments!

The quote at the very top of this post, from a judge, was one of them.

He was lying on the floor of a jail cell — theft charges — with no family or friends to bail him out. So a 20-something Kris confessed a desperate and final prayer. “God, please let my grandfather live long enough to see me make something positive of my life.”

Later, a thoughtful judge essentially pardoned young Kris. He’d bounced in and out of jail and hit rock bottom, but found a way to get clean and sober.

His early transformation (from jail cell to free man) required significant shifts in his thought and behavior habit.

Years later he underwent a second transformation, using habit. Under enormous pressures, Kris took hold of the one thing he could control, his habits (thought and action). He intentionally crafted habits to align with his goals and ambitions of a future, ideal self.

Kris committed to an Ironman triathlon at a time when it seemed to make zero sense. It was in the midst of the “great recession” and he had financial, business and personal pressures hanging over him.

Intuitively, though, Kris knew better. Those challenges weren’t going to disappear by themselves or anytime soon. If he went out for a run or not, his challenges were still going to be there, waiting for him. But incredibly, he began to notice a change. His challenges seemed a little smaller and weaker as he became stronger.

Kris grew into the habit of challenging himself each and every day simply to become a little bit better.

Finding Equilibrium Through Habit

The story of Kris holds so many great lessons for us and reminds me that equilibrium (balance), courtesy of habit, by definition is the equal offset of pressure.

I’m certain that by constantly challenging himself to become better, stronger, faster and more fit, Kris offset the enormous outside pressures and ultimately found his equilibrium— a sense of balance and peace of mind.

Five Bulletproof Reasons The Habit Factor® Is the Key to Achieving Your Goals More Quickly

Character, energy, Focus, goal, goal theory, goals, Habit Alignment, habits, HabitStregth™, P.A.R.R. Methodology, PARR Methodology, Success

5 bullet-proof reasons habit is the key to goal achievement

By: Martin Grunburg

Nobody achieves their goals without first channeling the force of habit. Period.

Some people — MOST PEOPLE — still aren’t fully aware of these two precepts when it comes to goal achievement:

1) Everything is energy: You are energy and it will take energy to attain your goal. By applying and channeling the force of habit (the most efficient form of behavior energy), you attain your goals more quickly and easily.

2) The best way to develop a habit is following the P.A.R.R. methodology, Plan, Act, Record and Reassess. This is superior to Cue, Routine, Reward (which doesn’t include tracking, reassessment or habitstrength). P.A.R.R. requires behavior tracking. Tracking core, related behaviors (habits) that are aligned with your goals will help you to achieve your goals more quickly and easily.

So for “fun,” I’ve listed five bulletproof reasons following The Habit Factor® method for goal-achievement is the most efficient and effective process to help you achieve your goals!

#1) Energy

Energy loves (and has a predisposition toward) pattern and rhythm. Have you noticed that you brush your teeth the same way every day? You towel off the same way each day. You drive home via the same route, put your keys in the same place, etc. The examples are endless. Everything in nature is based upon ENERGY. It’s worth restating: Since you are energy and your goal is going to require energy, the most efficient way to achieve your goals is for you to align your daily behavior energies (habits) to be supportive of your goals.

It’s really that simple.

Doing this creates remarkable coherence (congruity and consistency) as well as effectiveness (doing the right things) and efficiency (doing the right things right). You are getting the same and/or better results with less energy output!

Action: Identify your single-most important goal. List 50 reasons it’s a MUST goal (versus a “should” or “someday” goal), and then identify the 3-5 habits you are COMMITTED to developing (tracking) for the next year or more. However long it takes, right?

#2) The Subconscious

“Experts” in goal-achievement theory, as well as top coaches in various disciplines, will tell you that your subconscious is anywhere from 10 to 100x more powerful/influential than your conscious mind when it comes to achieving your goals.

So, my friend, I ask you, “Where do your habits reside?”

Correct! In your subconscious! In fact, that is just one of the definitions of habit — an unconscious or mostly unconscious (w/ little awareness) behavior or thought. For this reason alone it makes sense to focus your energies on HABIT development.

Action: Identify one thought affirmation (related to your goal) that you are willing to repeat; reaffirm a minimum of five times daily and TRACK!

#3) CHARACTER

BE. DO. HAVE: The late, great Zig Ziglar used to shout from the stage, “You must BE before you can DO and DO before you can HAVE.”

When it comes to BEing, NOTHING is more important than HABIT. Why? Well, a core definition of HABIT — in fact, its Latin root — is “Condition” and/or “Character.”

This would suggest that your present condition and character (at this very moment) is the sum total of all your thoughts and all your behavior HABITS throughout your life. Is your character not the sum total of your thought and behavior habits?

You may have heard another great Zig Ziglar quote. “What you get from achieving your goals is not as important as what you BEcome by achieving your goals.” And, the only way you can BEcome anything is via habit.

Action: List three traits of your three most successful friends. Ask if there are any commonalities. Select one of these traits/habits to track for the next four weeks!

#4) FOCUS!

Focusing on habits instead of a one-off, to-do list creates powerful focus and consistency. So, BURN YOUR TO-DO LIST!

“Burning your To-Do List” is just a fun little idiom. I want to underscore the significance of putting attention and focus on the daily tracking of core, related behaviors (HABITS) that will drive your goal’s achievement, before you begin to think about your daily to-do list.

The typical person follows a typical process and is left with a to-do list. That is, they write a list of to-do items for the day. However, scattered thoughts and actions will likely produce scattered results.

For instance, a typical to-do list might look like this: buy milk, feed fish, call Grandma, pick up the dry cleaning, etc. What do any of these have to do with your most important long-term goal?

By narrowing your focus to just the core, related behaviors (habits that are aligned with your goal), making them a priority and putting them TOP OF MIND each morning — and then TRACKING THEM — you are far more EFFECTIVE AND EFFICIENT. (Apologies for the caps!; )

So, sure, keep your to-do list, but realize it is secondary to the list of habits you are tracking. By separating the two and focusing first on habits, you know for sure what is a must-do to support your long-term goals!

Action: Before you work from a To-Do list, ensure you are first working from and tracking a short list of habits. Yes, there is a free app for that ; )

#5) HABIT IS PRINCIPLE BASED

Habit is principle based, meaning it is a force of nature (it is timeless). Habit has been a factor in human character and achievement since the dawn of time, and always will be. Darwin once said, “It is notorious how powerful is the force of habit.” Confucius said, “All men’s natures are alike — it’s their habits that carry them far apart.” Benjamin Franklin (a famous and prolific habit tracker): “Your net worth to the world is what remains after you subtract your bad habits from your good ones.”

By focusing on HABIT vs. tactics and/or strategies, YOUR energies are channeled via the timeless force of HABIT! Actions produce results and, of course, consistent actions (habits) produce consistently powerful results.

Action: Look into the future and ask what ideally traits (character) and goals would you like to achieve. Then, identify 3-5 habits that will help get you there and begin tracking them right away following the P.A.R.R. methodology (video).

Final Thoughts

I was asked the other day if I’ve ever been contacted (via email or otherwise) by someone who’s followed P.A.R.R. and/or The Habit Factor® Method and has not achieved their goal or been impressed with their results. “I have not,” I confessed. The reason, I presume, is because P.A.R.R. and The Habit Factor® Method always work when you do. It may not work on your timeline, but often that is related to other forces, PRESSURE being one of them. ; )

Until next week,

~mg

(This post has been updated 5/18/2018)

Brian Tracy’s 12 Steps to Goal Achievement Meets The Habit Factor®

belief, creativity, goal theory, goals, Habit Alignment, habits, P.A.R.R. Methodology, PARR Methodology, self esteem, SMART Goals, Success

GOAL-ACHIEVEMENT-101(4)

“Success equals goals; all else is commentary.” ~Brian Tracy

By: Martin Grunburg

First, let me say that BT is a living legend, a friend, and perhaps the greatest authority in the personal development space (not to mention a hero of mine). The amount of time he has dedicated to his knowledge and wisdom related to productivity, personal development and the psychology of achievement is truly encyclopedic, and he’s authored some 57+ books! (Check out some of his YouTube videos!)

I recently revisited BT’s fantastic 12-step formula for goal attainment (see mastery and the art of learning about why I keep listening to the same lessons over and over). This great lesson on goal attainment is contained within The Psychology of Achievement which is one of the greatest personal development programs I’ve come across, and what I love most is how easily The Habit Factor integrates, intersects and envelops this program, specifically the 12-step formula for goal attainment.

While the program was released in the ’80s (Nightingale-Conant), for the most part it really doesn’t age because the topic is rooted upon so many timeless principles. Having said that, there is just one part on goal achievement where appending/updating just might make a little sense — particularly with The Habit Factor® in mind. ; )

For fun, I’ve essentially transcribed how BT sets up this powerful lesson. When you listen to the program firsthand, you will be amazed by his conviction, authority and enthusiasm!

Here is the open (verbatim):

“We have examined hundreds of studies on goal-setting and we have taken the very best steps and the very best concepts that have ever been developed in the history of goal-setting by anyone, and we’ve combined them into the method that follows. This method is so powerful as a method for programming the subconscious at a deep level with your goal that if you will run your goal through this process, taking every single step in order, you will find that the speed at which you accomplish the goal will absolutely amaze you, and that you can accomplish more using this methodology in one year than you could in four or five years trying any other way.”

How’s that for authoritative? He says (and I don’t doubt him), “In the history of goal-setting.”

Can you guess what was NOT included in the 12-step process or even in the history of goal-setting?

Here’s an indirect clue: Notice how Brian says, “This method is so powerful as a method for programming your subconscious at a deep level.”

Well, I ask you, “Where do you think your habits reside?”

Granted, this program was produced in the ’80s, so I’ll cut to the chase. Just like S.M.A.R.T. goals (video), this 12-step process completely omits HABIT as a key, elemental force for goal achievement! Incredible, I know… ; )

I would suggest, though, through no faults of BT’s, he was just referencing studies and all the various research that all preceded The Habit Factor®.

Here is a brief synopsis of BT’s 12 steps to goal attainment, along with a bit of commentary from me as it relates to The Habit Factor® and where/how THF method deviates somewhat.

Step #1, Desire:

According to Brian Tracy, this is the very first step in all achievement: possessing a sincere and intense desire or need. Desire is what motivates and propels us toward our goals! Importantly, Brian points out that desire is very personal; others cannot desire goals for us, and we cannot impose our desires upon others. Your goals must be desired independently of others and have a truly personal meaning!

Step #2, Belief:

Belief is one of the most important elements, since you must absolutely believe the goal is attainable and real. The achievement, Brian advises, should be at least 50% achievable. This way, Brain explains, your conscious mind will accept it and be able to successfully relay it to your subconscious. The key to believability is setting “next level” goals by climbing in approximately 50% increments. He advises against leaps that are so great you immediately can’t buy-in or believe them, like a jump in income from $50K a year to $1 million a year.

Step #3, Write it down:
Brian commands, “Writing it down may be the single-most important thing to help program your subconscious mind.” He advises that you should write down your goal in precise detail as to exactly the way you wish to realize it. Brian insists that writing down your goals transforms them from “wishes” to authentic goals.

MG: From my experience, what is most successful when it comes to “programming” your subconscious is developing HABITS, since habits reside within your subconscious. In my view, the great value of writing down your goals is that it takes the goal from the invisible, intangible world and makes it visible (if not fully tangible); that is, the goal itself is not in the physical plane yet, but it can be seen in written form. You might call this the “middle realm” of goal attainment. First it’s invisible, then visible but not tangible, and then finally, fully materialized, tangible/experienced!

Step #4, List all the benefits:
Taking the time to identify all the benefits — all the reasons WHY this goal is significant and has substantial meaning — will help to provide the necessary dedication and commitment when (not if) the going gets tough! Most people don’t hit their goals because they simply quit too soon. Having a long list of 50-100 benefits and reasons about WHY the goal is important helps to ensure you stay the course — that you are, in fact, unstoppable!

Step #5, Take stock of your current position:
Since you know where it is you want to go (your ideal destination, goal), it’s essential you stop and assess where you are, measuring your current status against the ideal to appreciate what it’s going to take to get to your goal. If you don’t know where you are, it’s hard to get anywhere! It’s almost like you’re at the amusement park or the mall and you’re staring at the sign that says “YOU ARE HERE!” Make sure you truly know where you are relative to your goal!

Step #6, Establish a deadline:
Brian recommends you identify the latest possible date as a deadline for your goal, and he reiterates that the idea of success and happiness is often realized when you feel as though you are progressing toward a worthy goal or ideal. This is the key distinction of a “winner” and a person with a high, healthy and positive self-concept, he assures us, ” . . . as they progress toward their ideal self. The only way to feel like a winner is when we are moving toward the accomplishment of a meaningful goal.”

Step #7, Identify the obstacles you will have to overcome:
Brian says, “If there are no obstacles it isn’t a goal at all; it’s simply an activity.” He then assures us this is a worthy undertaking because when the obstacles are written down they tend to become “smaller” and easier to address.

Step #8, What knowledge will be required?
BT says that any goal of any significance will require that you gain additional knowledge for its attainment. Any worthwhile goal is certain to require that you learn something new, perform additional research, and/or talk and interview people to learn more and bridge the gap.

MG: Here I would add skills and, of course, HABITS! So, “Step #8” would probably be best re-titled, “Identify the knowledge, skills and habits required to achieve your goal.” Not too long ago I wrote about how similar skills and habits really are. I would stress that habit, more than any other element, will determine your ability to achieve your goal, since habits are behaviors that are performed consistently. When done consistently, these behaviors will take on a quality of automaticity; they will soon be stored in the subconscious, thereby aligning your very personality and character with the goal that is to be accomplished.

Step #9, Identify the people, groups and organizations with whom you’ll have to work and collaborate:
Brian says that the initiation of this step tends to invokes three additional and important “laws” that are essential to understand when it comes to goal achievement. The first law is the “Law of return.” This is simply the law of sowing and reaping. The key idea here is that what you reap today is a product of what you have sown in the past.

The second law is “The Law of Compensation.” This law says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. The wise person will simply ask the question, “How can I serve the other so that they may want to collaborate and return the favor?”

The third law Brian references is the “Law of Service.” This is essentially the law of over-compensation. It’s the law of going the extra mile. Concentrating on what you can give and how you can serve without any intention or concern about getting anything in return is a key trait of high-achieving men and women. Unfortunately, Brian says, so many people will get this process backwards and start by assessing what they can get from a situation without first giving. He says that it is inevitable that those who do more than they are paid to do — and do it willingly and gladly — are certain to be repaid by the law of over-compensation.

Step #10, Make a PLAN!! “Make it complete in every detail!”
“All plans are simply activities which are laid out in terms of time and priority,” Brian assures us. However, he also says that “no plan is ever perfect the first time and that all plans must be made and remade because they will be flawed due to the great number of mistakes and new information that will be presented over time.”

“All great achievers,” Brian says, “think on paper!”

MG: Here is where I would personally struggle with such a process and begin to check out mentally. “How in the world can I possibly know all the steps and create a plan for a goal I’ve never attained?” This is precisely the challenge I had/have with the SMART goals system, as well. Once you go through the SMART criteria, you are left with a to-do list — a bunch of steps you are supposed to envision to help you achieve your goal, yet you may not know all the steps.

Not that I don’t like to plan or think I can’t plan, but writing out all the things I must do, the steps and even the obstacles (see Step #7), quickly becomes overwhelming, daunting and, frankly, very discouraging. And, most importantly perhaps, this where I would lose any excitement and momentum— essentially killing the goal before it gets launched!

<<If this sounds like you, keep reading!>>

This is precisely just ONE of the KEY benefits of following The Habit Factor® method for goal achievement. NO PLANNING/NO STEPS! It’s a greatly simplified/streamlined process for goal-achievement, and this is why it has taken off and been copied and duplicated so often! So many people find it easier to follow and how quickly they gain momentum, rather than losing it! There is no requirement to “plan” other than identifying and aligning the core related behaviors (habits) that will be necessary to achieve your goals and following the P.A.R.R. method for habit development. This may even help explain why The Habit Factor® is so popular in the ADD/ADHD arena.

Step #11, Visualize:
Get a clear mental picture of your goal as though it were already in existence. Brian advises, “See it on the screen of your mind and play it over and over and over again! We will achieve our goal to the degree we are capable of seeing it within our minds, and the more we think about it the more clear the image becomes.”

MG: Brian suggests that all the prior 10 steps precede this one because they help with vision and clarity. My thought is that this should be at the front — perhaps even preceding desire — as the vision will beget the desire, and as Stephen Covey used to say, “Begin with the end in mind.”

Step #12, Back your plan with relentless determination, persistence and resolve to never give up!

You may think this goes without saying, but I think it’s worth repeating by sharing Calvin Coolidge’s great quote:

Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and Determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “Press On” has solved and will always solve the problems of the human race. ~Calvin Coolidge

MG: Bottom Line:

As much as I am a fan of Mr. Brian Tracy, (and, that can’t be overstated!) I am also an advocate for simplicity: Less is more, particularly when it comes to following processes and procedures. I’m sure that even physics (or a physicist) would bear this out: The fewer number of “steps,” the greater likelihood for success.

So, in the interest of simplicity, I would propose that a few of these 12 steps be removed and the order adjusted slightly — every plan is always changing (evolving ; ) — even plans about plans and strategies and processes!

So here is a revised offering:

#1) Vision, #2) Belief, #3) Reasons (Why), #4) Write it DOWN!, #5) Identify the Skills and Habits necessary, #6) Identify the People, Groups, Orgs and Models you can follow, #7) Follow the P.A.R.R. Method for Habit Development (TRACK!), #8) Be Relentless and resolve to never give up!

There you go! EIGHT steps vs twelve and we’ve added habit development and tracking (following the PARR method).

Finally, if this intrigues, excites or just piques your curiosity, I invite you to fill out this survey and your name will be added to a special list who will gain early-bird access to a FREE course called, “The 28-Day Breakthrough!”

So, be sure to sign up, and I’ll see you on the inside soon-ish!

Until next week!

~mg

Goal Achievement Series — Mindset Pro Tip #6: Be Nice!

Character, Focus, goal theory, goals, habits, Happiness, performance, preparation, Success

GOAL ACHIEVEMENT 101(2)

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. ~Dalai Lama

By: Martin Grunburg

As we round out the G.R.O.W.I.N.G. goal-achievement series, the topic “Always Be Nice” is our focal point.

You might think this would go without saying, right?

Well, I would submit to you that many of the obstacles people face along their way to achieving their personal and professional goals are self-induced! Simply put, they make their path much harder than it has to be, simply by not treating people nicely.

Goal achievement requires the highest level of maturity: Interdependence!

Interdependence (more on the topic here) is what is responsible for bridges being built and championships won!

In the professional world, playing nicely is much more a necessity than a strategy!

The late, great Dr. Stephen Covey was fond of pointing out that the highest form of maturity is NOT independence but interdependence. This is an important concept to know well, and to indoctrinate within yourself and any team players you may manage.

INTERDEPENDENCE is built upon RESPECT, TRUST AND KINDNESS.

Kindness (being nice) is simply putting the GOLDEN Rule into action. The Golden Rule, or law of reciprocity, is the principle of treating others as one would wish to be treated. It is a maxim of altruism seen in many human religions and cultures (this via Wikipedia).

You should treat others as you would like others to treat you (positive or directive form).
You should not treat others in ways that you would not like to be treated (negative or prohibitive form).

More from Wikipedia: “The ‘Golden Rule’ has been attributed to Jesus of Nazareth, who used it to summarize the Torah: ‘Do to others what you want them to do to you. This is the meaning of the law of Moses and the teaching of the prophets.'”

—————–
While I’m not a fan of generalizations, my experience over the last two or three decades has taught me that people with the habit of not being nice tend to orient themselves MORE from a framework that is often labeled as a “scarcity” or “limited” mindset. Essentially, this equates to a “small-pie” mentality — a belief that there is only so much pie, and if you get a slice, then there isn’t likely to be any left for me.

Someone with that scarcity mindset/belief system imposes limits on themselves and others. What’s worse is that they begin to believe that if another wins, then they will lose.

The opposite of this framework is a BIG-pie, or abundance, mindset, which believes in celebrating the success of others, and at the same time realizing it doesn’t take away from your success. In a world like this, there is enough opportunity and success to go around for everyone! And, with that frame of reference, it is much easier to be nice, encouraging and supportive with everyone!

A final thought on kindness (for now): There are many who don’t believe in the concept of “karma” — the idea that your actions will ultimately come back around at some point. To those people I would simply submit Sir Isaac Newton’s Third Law, formally stated as, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

From Wikipedia: Re: Newton’s Third Law. “This statement means that in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the forces on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object.”

To that, I will echo His Holiness the Dalai Lama: Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.

Until next week,

~mg

P.S.: If all has gone well, this is reaching you while I’m on vacation w/ the family in Yellowstone! Chances are good we’ll have some pics coming! ; )

Henry and I review this same topic about a week ago on the podcast!

Goal Achievement Series —Mindset Pro Tip #4: WHO Do You Want to BEcome?

Character, discipline, energy, habits, Habituation, learning, self esteem, Success, vision

“I hope, therefore, that some of my descendants may follow the example and reap the benefit.” ~Benjamin Franklin

By: Martin Grunburg

Today’s post involves the big “W” in our ongoing Goal Achievement/Mindset Series, “G.R.O.W.I.N.G.” The “W” stands for Who, as in, Who do you want to BEcome?

It’s important to remember that any BEcoming you do is a result — a byproduct — of your HABITS.

Habit equals character.

Character, of course, is who you are (today, right now). It is the sum total of all your thought and behavior habits to this point. The good news is that if you don’t necessarily like who you’ve become (your character), you can always begin the process of changing it.

“While we cannot change our destiny overnight,” Jim Rohn liked to say, “we can change our destination.”

The process of changing your character — and thereby your destiny — typically involves an awakening, a conscious decision to direct your energy, attention and focus toward the type of person you DO want to become!

So, the natural question is, “Who do you want to BEcome?”

The other option is NOT to decide. To just live a life by default rather than by design.

Is there a process or a model for this?

Incredibly, Benjamin Franklin wrote extensively about his particular process that he used to intentionally craft his own character. He began by identifying and tracking those VIRTUES he thought he must posses in order to grow into the man he wanted to become. He wrote extensively about his process in his autobiography, written when he was 79!

In fact, he thought his transformation was so substantial and significant to his lifetime of achievement that he wrote:

“I hope, therefore, that some of my descendants may follow the example and reap the benefit.”

Even a young Benjamin Franklin understood that with awareness he could direct his intention and energy into intentional behaviors (habits) and the character— the person he wanted to become. So, he did just that and began with a thorough and “extensive examination of his faults.” Then he challenged himself to “imitate Jesus and Socrates,” and in so doing, identified 13 virtues that he chose to forge by tracking in his journal.

Imitate Jesus and Socrates

Ben begins with…

“My intention being to acquire the habitude (*habits*) of all these virtues, I judg’d it would be well not to distract my attention by attempting the whole at once, but to fix it on one of them at a time; and, when I should be master of that, then to proceed to another, and so on, till I should have gone thro’ the thirteen; and, as the previous acquisition of some might facilitate the acquisition of certain others…”

Further, he wrote:

“I propos’d to myself, for the sake of clearness, to use rather more names, with fewer ideas annex’d to each, than a few names with more ideas; and I included under thirteen names of virtues all that at that time occurr’d to me as necessary or desirable, and annexed to each a short precept, which fully express’d the extent I gave to its meaning:

1. Temperance: Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.

2. Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.

3. Order: Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.

4. Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.

5. Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.

6. Industry: Lose no time; be always employ’d in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.

7. Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly; and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

8. Justice: Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

9. Moderation: Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

10. Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.

11. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

12. Chastity.

13. Humility.”

Importantly, Franklin wanted to emphasize that religions didn’t have to be part of this process, and indeed the method was open to all (excerpted from Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography):

“It will be remark’d that, tho’ my scheme was not wholly without religion, there was in it no mark of any of the distinguishing tenets of any particular sect. I had purposely avoided them; for, being fully persuaded of the utility and excellency of my method, and that it might be serviceable to people in all religions, and intending some time or other to publish it, I would not have anything in it that should prejudice anyone, of any sect, against it.”

More From Ben…

“I made a little book, in which I allotted a page for each of the virtues. I rul’d each page with red ink, so as to have seven columns, one for each day of the week, marking each column with a letter for the day. I cross’d these columns with thirteen red lines, marking the beginning of each line with the first letter of one of the virtues, on which line, and in its proper column, I might mark, by a little black spot, every fault I found upon examination to have been committed respecting that virtue upon that day.”

(Here’s some GOLD!!! How Ben TRACKED)

“I enter’d upon the execution of this plan for self-examination, and continu’d it with occasional intermissions for some time. I was surpris’d to find myself so much fuller of faults than I had imagined; but I had the satisfaction of seeing them diminish. To avoid the trouble of renewing now and then my little book, which, by scraping out the marks on the paper of old faults to make room for new ones in a new course, became full of holes, I transferr’d my tables and precepts to the ivory leaves of a memorandum book, on which the lines were drawn with red ink, that made a durable stain, and on those lines I mark’d my faults with a black-lead pencil, which marks I could easily wipe out with a wet sponge. After a while I went thro’ one course only in a year, and afterward only one in several years, till at length I omitted them entirely, being employ’d in voyages and business abroad, with a multiplicity of affairs that interfered; but I always carried my little book with me.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Unfortunately, it seems the majority of people don’t take the time to ask such important questions. Hence, they allow their character to be forged by their daily habits, which are often crafted by default rather than by design.

“The wise man rules his habits and the fool obeys them.”

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P.S.: Many of my long-time readers and listeners know this story well. They know that this was, in many ways, the foundation of The Habit Factor® app. In fact, I was so excited to learn about Ben’s success with this process, AFTER I had already started developing The Habit Factor, that we stopped development of the app and decided instead to create and release a different app, the VIRTUES app first.

I thought that sharing Ben’s process via an app would be an instant hit. While it was a huge hit to start, The Habit Factor® app ended up far outselling VIRTUES (to my surprise) and became the cornerstone of our app portfolio. Knowing though, that The Habit Factor® method is, in many ways, validated and echoed by the brilliance of Ben’s process is an enormous affirmation!

To listen to some of that backstory on the app development and Ben’s influence check out these short “Habits 2 Goals” Podcast episodes.

Until next week, Be Like Ben! (time to get tracking!)

~mg

What Virtue Is Not

Why Develop Virtue?

The Path To Virtue

What We Ultimately Learn About Virtue

#1) Awareness!

#2) Self-Knowledge!

#3) Strengths & Weaknesses!

#4) Direction!

#5) Habits!

6) Character!

7) Nobility!

8) Virtue!

Don’t be Dumb!

How Not To Be Dumb

Are We Looking in the Wrong Place?

Gaining Contentment Over Happiness

Looking for More?

#1) “You create your reality.”

#2) “You are where you are because that is exactly where you want to be.”

#3) “You MUST follow your bliss and passion.”

Tied for #3: You are PERFECT just the way you are!

#4) There are NO accidents

#5) You must take massive action to achieve your goals!

How Dichotomous Thinking Is Behind ALL the Pain

WHAT IS PRACTICE?

PRACTICE IS INPUT

THE FAMILY TREE OF PERFORMANCE

LIFE IS A PROFESSIONAL SPORT

By: Martin Grunburg

Let me back up, though.

The Habit of Learning

The Key to Deep Learning

“The person who now stands before the court is no longer the person who has committed these crimes. For that reason, this court will not hold you accountable.”

By: Martin Grunburg

Enter Metamorphosis

Here’s Where It Gets Fun!

Powerful Transformations

Finding Equilibrium Through Habit

By: Martin Grunburg

#1) Energy

#2) The Subconscious

#3) CHARACTER

#4) FOCUS!

#5) HABIT IS PRINCIPLE BASED

Final Thoughts

Goal Achievement Series — Mindset Pro Tip #5: Know Thyself!

Goal Achievement Series -- Mindset Pro Tip #3: Taking 100% Responsibility