The Habit Factor®

The Science of Behavior Meets the Art of Achievement

responsibility

Personal Development Hurdle Number One: Shut Your Pie-Hole!

discipline, energy, Focus, goal theory, goals, Habit Alignment, responsibility

[By: Martin Grunburg]

Disclaimer: Adult language ( I think this is my first post with “adult” language, and frankly, the subject matter mandates it. ; )

Here we go: Please, please, for YOUR sake, and the sake of your goals, just SHUT YOUR PIE-HOLE!

That’s right…find a way to keep your trap shut! Shut your mouth. Zip it!

I speak from great experience on this one, so just trust me (more on that later).

I know, I know, being silent is so difficult these days in our social media-intoxicated world.

Ten minutes on Facebook and I’ve already read seven different people’s goals — and two more about intentions for the month. Yep, there’s another three telling me their goal for the day!

So, when I reflect upon this one — really think it over — it just may be one of the best lessons I’ve ever learned when it comes to goal achievement: JUST SHUT UP!

And this comes from a guy who, growing up, was tagged with the moniker “Motor Mouth Martin”!

Now, making this advice even more confusing (beyond the social media frenzy) is the fact that there may be no less than 1,000 blog posts (and a dozen-plus apps) encouraging you to share your New Year’s resolutions with the “world” to hold you accountable.

Some simple math for you:

cP + bA = rcƒP

Confused People (searching for answers) + Bad Advice = Really Confused AND Frustrated people.

I was one of them, and that was well before the social media proliferation.

Let me help clarify this for you (again, from personal experience and helping others). Sharing your goals with everyone and the “world” is less than useless; it can actually be harmful to your success. (More on that later with some links to the “science.”)

Given the NEW YEAR and so many people’s noble attempts to set and achieve their goals, the time is right to reiterate this lesson.

So, IF YOU continue to struggle with goal achievement, consider this — better yet, PLEASE TEST IT for yourself:

SHUT YOUR TRAP!

To help you understand why flapping your gums is so damaging, I’m going to provide you with seven reasons why talking about your goal (to anyone other than one or two, or maybe three, very close people, such as a spouse) is a solid waste of time and energy — and actually proves detrimental.

#1) It dissipates energy:

You’ve heard me say this a thousand times: If everything is energy, and it is, what do you think happens when you flap your gums?

#2) Focus is lost:

With a reduction in energy comes a reduction in our capacity to concentrate, and thus focus is diminished. (See last week’s blog.) As stated above, focus and consistent energy are required to develop habits and achieve goals.

#3) Provides a false sense of completion of goals:

Surprisingly, it turns out, talking about your goal (according to several psychology experiments) provides us with a sense of completion and self-satisfaction —without actually doing anything! By talking about your goal, you being to feel closer to achieving it, as if you had taken some action. This then supplants any real action, and thus, incredibly, you end up demonstrating less effort.

#4) This one might hurt. Pardon my French, but very few people give a Sh*t about your goals!

In the world of real accountability, “everyone” truly equates to no one.

If the point of sharing your goals with the world is so that “they” can hold you accountable, chances are good you’re on crack. You’re just not thinking too clearly. Do you really think Jim on Facebook is going to circle back four months later to ask you how your book is going? Or Sarah is going to ask how your weight-loss goal is going? Look (if it makes you feel any better), it’s not that they don’t like you, it’s just that they don’t care! And (worth noting) they’re just too busy trying to get their own sh*t together and achieve their own goals!

#5) The people you think WILL help you, tend to “protect” you:

Goal achievement is about going out on a limb — taking a huge risk, getting uncomfortable with a fairly good chance of failure. Your loved ones KNOW this. So, there’s a good chance that when you tell them you are going to paddle from Catalina Island to Manhattan Beach (32 miles), and you’ve never paddled in any event before (not 1 mile, not 10 miles), and you don’t even own a paddleboard, AND the event is in just 6 months, how do you think they are going to respond? What do you think they are going to say to you? That’s nice, Martin, I’m sure you could do it too — but you don’t have anything to prove.

By “protecting” you from massive failure, they just talked you out of an exciting, terrifying goal. And, strangely enough, you feel better because they just told you they believe in you.

That’s right: You didn’t do anything, just voiced a goal, and you feel better about yourself — but you never actually did anything and everything stays the same.

#6) Talking degrades your ownership/responsibility:

Goal achievement is not only scary and difficult, it requires 110% (to be clichéd) ownership!

The crazy thing is, by pronouncing your goal there is a sort of unexpected backwash of accountability. That’s right, by flapping your gums you’re silently assigning ownership to dozens or hundreds of invisible people who will NOT hold you accountable. PLUS, now when you fail there is an unconscious sharing of the failure; you don’t feel as bad because, well, WE failed.

#7) You lose momentum:

Goal achievement is very difficult and inevitably involves a series of UPS and DOWNS. There is a special dichotomy to goal achievement that simultaneously encourages and discourages you. YOU get stronger, HabitStrength kicks in, your discipline grows, and yet, at the same time, the closer you get to your goal’s achievement the more unexpected hurdles are thrown your way.

Now as those challenges arise, AND because you flapped your gums, what do you do? Are you going to stop and tweet about that new hurdle? Are you going to update “the world” the next time you hit a major setback?

By intentionally keeping your trap shut from the onset, you are able to concentrate on overcoming each challenge as it arises and not be distracted by the optics.  Uh no…major setback on the book deal, I better update “everyone.”

So, if the answer is to keep your yapper clammed up, you may be asking, what should I do instead?

Do this instead:

1) Get clear: Write down your goal and keep it QUIET!
2) Share only if you must: Share with only those few people who are in your life daily and will actually notice anyway and/or (of course) if you’re in a mastermind.
3) Channel your concentration and energy every day toward the development and alignment of core habits that will move you closer to your goal’s achievement.
4) TRACK using the free tracking sheet. If you’re not tracking, you’re not serious. Period. The way to achieve your goal is to align your habits and track them! (See this post on PARR.)
5) Reassess: An important part of PARR is reassessment. Adjust your habits, set new minimum success criteria, and get after it!
6) BEcome GRITTY: You will need the GRIT Habit (see this post).

There is true power in the celebration of goal achievement!

The idea is to bask in the excitement of sharing your achievement AFTER it has taken place! Don’t be tempted or fooled into the excitement of talking and bragging about it before you’ve done little if anything.

Again, all this stems directly from personal experience, and I only realized significant goal breakthroughs when I learned to shut my trap! (If you’re curious what those are, you can go here or here.)

Finally, here’s an example: A good friend actually became a bit upset with me upon the release of The Pressure Paradox,™ saying, “Why didn’t you tell me about this? I had no idea you were writing another book!” All I could do was assure him that I didn’t really tell anyone other than my wife and about two other people, and I certainly didn’t single him out and go through the challenge of writing the book just to keep him in the dark.

Silence, when it comes to goal achievement, truly is golden.

But don’t just take my word for it; apparently there is some “science” that backs this all up!

Have at it, and while you’re at it, ZIP IT!

~mg

Resources

Watch this TED Talk: Derek Sivers, Keep Your Goals to Yourself

Read this: “If You Want To Succeed, Don’t Tell Anyone.” (Psychology Today)

The Secret to Putting the “Self” into Self-Discipline

Diet, energy, goal theory, goals, habits, HabitStregth™, Health, responsibility

Self-discipline is strength.
Right thought is mastery.
Calmness is power.
~James Allen (As a Man Thinketh)

[By: Martin Grunburg]

Today we’re going to focus on the first sentence (above) from Allen’s magnificent work, As a Man Thinketh: “Self-discipline is strength.”

It may go without saying, but it’s worth reiterating: Self-discipline begins with SELF.

So, my question to you is, how do you regulate and modify your personal self-discipline? Or, better yet, do you?

When was the last time you tried to institute a new behavior/develop a new discipline, or add control and constraints to an existing behavior?

Were you successful?

What Got You Here Won’t Get You There

A bit of background:

For the first 45-ish years of my life, it seemed I could eat whatever I wanted, as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted.

I realized, though, about 18 months ago, this is no longer the case.

The new “reality” was very different.

I was at least 15 pounds heavier than I wanted to be. I wasn’t sleeping too well and felt fatigued and lethargic almost daily right around 2 or 3pm.

It’s Your DIET, Stupid!

The strange part to me was I had remained as active as ever, running, surfing and hitting the gym (nearly daily workouts). But it was fairly clear that I was only gaining weight and body fat.

I circled back to my local underwater dunk-tank body-fat tester and checked in at a fairly surprising 16.3% body fat!

Upwards of 16%. For some people that may seem low, and for others that may seem high. For me it was the highest I’d ever recorded. (I began recording out of curiosity right around the time of my second Ironman in 2006.)

I needed to reverse the current fat-gaining trend!

To Carb or Not to Carb, That Is the Question

Let me first say that changing my eating habits was far more difficult than I’d imagined.

The good news is I had at least a few tricks up my sleeve, and furthermore, I knew a thing or two about behavior/habit design. ; )

Hence, if the question was to “carb or not to carb,” the answer was/is a resounding “NO!”

Above all, limiting the carbs (and sugars) was my first order of business, since I knew I was still as active as ever.

Yet, as  a lover of ALL things carb-related (chips, pasta, bread, etc.), constraining my carb consumption was not going to be easy.

ENTER: The Substitution Solution!

Habit is driven out by habit as a nail is driven out by a nail.

–>> Bagels in the morning? Nope…just boiled egg.

–>> Chips in the afternoon? Nope…just almonds or peanuts.

–>> Soda, Snapple, ANY beverage? Nope…water or soda water.

–>> Fish tacos or sandwiches at lunch? Nope… salads or a bread-modified sandwich.

–>> Alcohol? Enter constraints!!

Beer? No more than 2 (lite) beers at any day/time.

Bourbon/Whiskey? Just 2 or 3 times per week.

Diet vs. Lifestyle

Here’s the thing…

At the proverbial end of the day, the gold lies not in the changes themselves, but the ability to craft new behaviors and new habits at will. It’s not necessarily easy, but the good news is it gets easier, over time, because of the magical force of habit.

Hence, substituting those habits/behaviors you already have with new, favorable, predetermined choices — incredibly — becomes its own habit! And, that is what is powerful. That is what compounds.

As a result, today, some 18 months later, I habitually drink water with every meal and I habitually snack on nuts instead of chips. I habitually eat salads and make better lunch and dinner choices.

Keep this in mind: As great as diet plans like Medifast or Jenny Craig and many others are, realize that a major piece of their solution is simply to provide you a SUBSTITUTE  — a replacement alternative for your eating HABITS.

Results

First of all, it’s important to point out (again) that this was not an overnight fix (“the man who moves mountains begins by carrying small stones” ~ Confucius), although you will notice when you look at the chart below, once I became aware and had a baseline, that is when the diet/habit experiments began.

Today’s Weight: 178.8 Down from 194.6 lbs = 16.1 lbs Lost

Today’s Body Fat: Approx 12.8%  (Total guess ; ) See chart below! Was 13% back in May of 2018.

mg-bodyfat-test2018

That’s right — with some basic awareness and simple dietary substitutions I was able to “turn-back” the clock an incredible 12 years! According to this chart, I’m basically the same weight in 2018 as 2006, but I have increased my lean muscle mass and decreased my body fat by nearly 2lbs.

12 years.

I keep coming back to Emerson’s great quote: “All life is an experiment and the more experiments you make the better.”

On a semi-related note: Either a gentle reminder or swift kick in the *ss? (you decide)…
We already have over 50 participants enrolled in the Get Unstuck Course — and it’s ONLY Free only until 11/16/18.

Until next week my friends…

~mg

Habit + Pressure = Metamorphosis

Character, discipline, goals, Habit Alignment, habits, responsibility, Success

“The person who now stands before the court is no longer the person who has committed these crimes. For that reason, this court will not hold you accountable.”

By: Martin Grunburg

In order to realize any real, substantive change in our lives, the path often requires two essential forces: Pressure and Habit (hopefully new, positive habits).

Then, there is the crucible, or “Crucible Factor.” (Have at it, someone! There’s a book here!)

The crucible represents an event or a moment in time we pass through to help catalyze a substantive change — to make it complete.

The definition of CRUCIBLE is particularly interesting as it relates to metamorphosis:

“A situation of severe trial, or in which different elements interact, leading to the creation of something new.”

Now, ask yourself, “What are those different elements?”

Enter Metamorphosis

Next, let’s consider the definition of metamorphosis.

Screen Shot 2017-05-22 at 12.00.46 PM

[Also called transformation. A change in the form and often habits of an animal during normal development after the embryonic stage. Metamorphosis includes, in insects, the transformation of a maggot into an adult fly and a caterpillar into a butterfly. In amphibians it’s the changing of a tadpole into a frog.]

The key idea is that you don’t have to be in an embryonic stage — or even a caterpillar or frog — to realize this. It’s your HABITS (of thought and action) that constitute and direct your metamorphosis!

That’s powerful!

There is no need to sit and wait for change to impose itself on you. Rather, YOU CAN DIRECT THE CHANGE— via your habits.

Here’s Where It Gets Fun!

A while back, a Facebook friend wrote an inspiring post. Though I’d never met him in person, I contacted him to learn more about his personal metamorphosis.

With his permission, here is his post. (As you read, notice the elements that are responsible for the change — his metamorphosis.)

Screen Shot 2017-05-22 at 10.36.32 AM

Kris to me: “Happy to have you post it, happy to help and share any part of the story with anyone and anytime.”

Powerful Transformations

I learned that Kris had two significant transformations in his life, and both were catalyzed by powerful crucible-type moments!

The quote at the very top of this post, from a judge, was one of them.

He was lying on the floor of a jail cell — theft charges — with no family or friends to bail him out. So a 20-something Kris confessed a desperate and final prayer. “God, please let my grandfather live long enough to see me make something positive of my life.”

Later, a thoughtful judge essentially pardoned young Kris. He’d bounced in and out of jail and hit rock bottom, but found a way to get clean and sober.

His early transformation (from jail cell to free man) required significant shifts in his thought and behavior habit.

Years later he underwent a second transformation, using habit. Under enormous pressures, Kris took hold of the one thing he could control, his habits (thought and action). He intentionally crafted habits to align with his goals and ambitions of a future, ideal self.

Kris committed to an Ironman triathlon at a time when it seemed to make zero sense. It was in the midst of the “great recession” and he had financial, business and personal pressures hanging over him.

Intuitively, though, Kris knew better. Those challenges weren’t going to disappear by themselves or anytime soon. If he went out for a run or not, his challenges were still going to be there, waiting for him. But incredibly, he began to notice a change. His challenges seemed a little smaller and weaker as he became stronger.

Kris grew into the habit of challenging himself each and every day simply to become a little bit better.

Finding Equilibrium Through Habit

The story of Kris holds so many great lessons for us and reminds me that equilibrium (balance), courtesy of habit, by definition is the equal offset of pressure.

I’m certain that by constantly challenging himself to become better, stronger, faster and more fit, Kris offset the enormous outside pressures and ultimately found his equilibrium— a sense of balance and peace of mind.

 

Goal Achievement Series — Mindset Pro Tip #3: Taking 100% Responsibility

belief, Character, creative theory, creativity, discipline, Focus, goal, goal theory, goals, pressure, responsibility, SMART Goals, Success

GOAL ACHIEVEMENT 101(3)

“Responsibility is the price of greatness.” ~Winston Churchill.

By: Martin Grunburg

Continuing our Goal Achievement Series “G.R.O.W.I.N.G.,” today’s topic brings us to perhaps the most important and pronounced trait of those whom we consider “great” and “successful” — RESPONSIBILITY.

This key attribute and mindset is universal in all great goal achievers.  Responsibility simply cannot be extracted from any “success equation.” Just try to imagine any historical great or person you deem “successful” who doesn’t take responsibility — that is, who blames their results or their situation on others and makes excuses.

Responsibility is the starting point and, in many ways, it is the ENDING point. 

As Harry S. Truman was fond of saying, “The buck stops here!”

When you start with 100 % responsibility you are saying to the world, “I am capable of creating my ideal future.” When you take 100% responsibility, things begin to change.

Don’t believe this? Consider the exact opposite mindset: “I’m not responsible for my choices, actions or the outcomes in my life.”

What sort of results is that mindset likely to produce?”

Got Excuses?

Nothing in this world may be recycled more than excuses. (Feel free to tweet that quote ; ) If we’re busy creating excuses, we’re not creating results!

Here’s your 100%  Responsibility Checklist:

I <NAME> Fully Commit To Taking 100% Responsibility for:

MY CHOICES! (each item represents a choice)
my attitude
my decisions
my habits
my goals
my level of well-being (weight, fitness, peace of mind)
my happiness (nobody can make you unhappy without your permission)
my relationships
my level of growth!
my charitable giving
my belief and faith in myself
my self-worth and self-esteem!

Watch Jim Rohn explain the value of 100% responsibility!

My favorite part may be his “reasons for not looking good” and his “blame list,” and when Shoaff says, “There’s just one problem with your list…”

Haha! Looking for a little more on the topic! Check out these

Next
Goal Achievement Series —Mindset Pro Tip #4: WHO Do You Want to BEcome?

"I hope, therefore, that some of my descendants may follow the example and reap the benefit." ~Benjamin Franklin By: Martin…
Previous
21 EPIC Quotes on Gratitude!

By: Martin Grunburg Our Goal Achievement Series "G.R.O.W.I.N.G." continues. We've already reviewed the importance of 1) Being On Your Toes (that…